Waiting is a Mystery 等待是个谜
Waiting is a mystery-a natural sacrament of life-there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait.It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting（testing our patience and our nerves，schooling us in self-control.）
We wait for meals to be served，for a letter to arrive，for a friend to call or show up for a date.We wait in line at cinemas and theaters.Our airline terminals，railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one-or wait in sadness to say goodbye.And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity.We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.We wait for graduation，for our first job，our first promotion.We wait for success and recognition.We wait to grow up-to reach the stage where we make our own decisions.
We cannot remove this waiting from our lives.It is a part of the tapestry of living-the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives.Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait-instant pleasure，instant transcendence.Do not wait for anything.Life is short-eat，drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die.And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom-they warn against attachments and commitments-against expecting anything of anybody，or allowing them to expect anything of us-against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.This may be the correct prescription for pleasure-but even that is fleeting and doubtful.
If we wish to be real human beings，spirit as well as flesh，soul as well as heart，we have to learn to wait.For if we never learn to wait，we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.But most of all，waiting means waiting for someone else.It is a mystery，brushing by our face everyday like a stray leaf falling from a tree.Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it-how much waiting is important for love to grow，to flourish through a lifetime.
Why is this？Why can't we have it right now，what we so desperately want and need？Why must we wait-two years，three years-and seemingly waste so much time？You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruits-the seed to flower-carbon to change to diamond.There is no simple answer-no more than there is to life's other demands-having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made other commitments or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives-you having to leave home and loved ones to find your own path.Good-byes，like waiting，are also sacraments of our lives.
All we know is that growth-the budding，the flowering of love needs patient waiting.We have to give each other a time to grow.There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them，except through time.So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting-of being present without asking demands and rewards.There is nothing harder to do than this.It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love.But there is life in the gift we give.
So lovers wait for each other-until they can see things the same way-or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of intimacy of the way they were.They have to wait-in silence-but still present to each other-until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.
What do we lose when we refuse to wait，when we try to find shortcuts through life-when we try to incubate5 love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume？We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved.Think of all the great love stories of history and literature-isn't it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery-that waiting is part of the substance-the basic fabric against which the story of that true love is written.
How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to wait for it？Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for.How will you know if it's worth it？Gut feel.What if you don't trust your gut？Pray.You will be enlightened.Trust me.
Is it wrong to expect while waiting？It's not wrong，but it will increase your chances of heartbreak and disappointment if things don't work out in the end.Is it good to expect while waiting？It is better to HOPE.
What's the difference between hoping and expecting？HOPING means you're open to either side of the coin landing though you're more inclined to believe that things will turn out well.EXPECTING means you're thinking single-track，which won't do you much good at all.What's the difference between waiting and expecting？EXPECTING is waiting for something TO DEFINITELY HAPPEN.WAITING is staying where you are，but not necessarily expecting something to happen definitely.
Do you need assurance from someone you're waiting for while you're waiting？Ideally，yes.But realistically，do you really want assurance from this person？It's so easy to just point at something and make that the reason why you're waiting（“Because she said……”“Because he told me that……”）.With WAITING，all you really can rely on are three things：your gut feel，your heart and your mind.Just YOURSELF，not anyone else.
So should you wait？What does your gut say？How does your heart feel？What does your mind think？If they're saying different things，keep asking yourself these three questions（and pray！）until you get a solid answer.THEN you'll know if he or she is worth waiting for.
等待是个谜――生命自然而有的圣事――在所有我们需要等待的时刻背后都隐藏着某种含义。这个谜肯定是很重要的，因为我们的生活中有那么多的等待。每一天都充满了等待的时刻和片段（考验着我们的耐性和神经，教我们学习自制）。
我们等着吃饭、来信，等着朋友打电话或赴约。我们在电影院和剧院门口排队等待。我们的飞机场、火车站和公交车站都是等待的大庙堂，男人们和女人们高兴地等着爱人的到来――或伤心地等着说再见。我们等待自己从孩童长到成熟。我们等待着那些内心的声音告诉我们，已准备好可以向下一站前进了。我们等待毕业、第一份工作、第一次升职。我们等待成功和承认。我们等待着长大――大到我们可以自己作决定。
我们不能把等待从生活中剔除。它是生活这块绣毯的一部分――千丝万缕，编织为毯，把我们的故事娓娓道来。但是目前流行的人生哲学却要我们忘记等待的必要――即时享乐，即时超越，不要等待什么，人生苦短――尽情地吃喝玩乐吧，因为明天你将死亡。所以它们使我们心安理得地接受没有限制、不负责任的自由――要提防任何依恋之情和承诺之责――提防对任何人抱有任何期待，或是让他人对我们抱有期待――提防在生命之河中作任何形式的抛锚，以使我们有机会坚持和等待。这也许是针对享乐的正确的方法――但即便如此，那也是转瞬即逝，站不住脚的。
如果我们想成为真正的人，不管是精神还是肉体，灵魂还是心灵，我们需要学会等待。因为如果我们永远学不会等待，那我们就永远学不会去爱除自己以外的其他人。绝大多数情况下，等待意味着等其他人。等待是一个谜，每天像一片从树上飘零的落叶擦过我们的脸颊。任何一个爱过的人都知道需要多少等待――多少等待才能让爱生长，让爱走过人生四季，依然葱绿鲜翠。
为什么会这样？为什么我们不能立刻就拥有那些我们不顾一切、拼命想要拥有的东西？为什么必须等――两年，三年――似乎浪费了那么多时间？你同样可以问为什么花开那么长时间树才结果――种子才开花――碳变成钻石。没有简单的答案――就像对于生活其他的要求――不得不跟你爱的人说再见，因为或你或他们要另谋他事，又或是他们要成长，要寻找自己生活的意义――你不得不离开家和你爱的人去寻找你自己的人生道路。再见，就像等待，也是我们生命中的圣事。
我们所知道的是成长――要爱萌芽、开花需要耐心的等待。我们需要给彼此时间去成长。要得到真爱，除了通过时间，我们别无他法。所以我们将等待这份神秘的礼物赠送给对方――默默守候，不作要求，不求回报。没有什么比这更难了，它考验我们的爱是否深刻、真诚，可是我们给出的这份礼物里会存有生命的力量。
因此，恋人们等待着对方――直到他们可以以相同的方式看待事物――或是可以任由对方自由地，以与自己完全不同的方式看待事物。有时，恋人们会伤害彼此，无法恢复到以前亲密、平衡的关系状态。他们需要等待――静静地――但仍然彼此守候――直到痛苦退却为一点儿疼痛，而后成为淡淡的回忆，直到绣毯的两股细线可以再次一起编织爱的故事。
当我们拒绝等待，当我们企图寻找生活的捷径――当我们试着把爱和匆促酝酿在一起，而得出的结果我们不够成熟也没有能力去承担的时候，我们会失去些什么？我们会失去真爱别人和获得真爱的希望。想想历史上和文学中所有伟大的爱情故事吧――难道它们的精髓不正是这奇怪却又普遍的奥秘――等待――真爱正是基于此谱而写成。
如果我们失去等待的耐心，我们怎会找到生命的力量抑或是真爱？等待是件好事，如果有什么是值得等待的话。你怎么知道是否值得呢？让内在的你去感觉吧。可是如果你不相信自己呢？祈祷吧，你会得到启发的，相信我。
等待时抱有期盼不对吗？没有什么错，可是，如果结果不尽如人意，你可能会愈发感到沮丧、心痛。等待时抱有期盼好吗？更好的是抱有希望。
期盼和希望有什么不同？希望意味着虽然你更倾向于相信有好的结果，但落下来的硬币哪一面朝上你都可以接受。期盼意味着你是单向思维的，这对你可没有什么好处。等待和期盼有什么不同？期盼是去等待必然会发生的事情。等待是保持最平和的心态，并不期待着什么事情会如约而至。
等待需要得到对方的承诺和担保吗？理想状态下，是的。但是，在现实生活里，你真的想要这个人对你保证什么吗？指着什么说那就是你等待的原因，很简单（“因为她说过……”“因为他告诉我……”）。对于等待来说，所有你真正可以依赖的是：你内在的感受，你的心和你的头脑。只是你自己，无关其他任何人。
所以，你应该等吗？你内在的自己怎么说？你的心感觉到什么？你的头脑是怎样思考的呢？如果得到的答案大不相同，那接着问你自己这三个问题（还有祈祷！）直到你得到可靠的答案。这时，你就知道他或她是不是值得等待了。
译者感言
快餐、的士、快递、自动存取款机，不断提速的网络，不断提升的办公效率，不断加快的生活节奏，高速前进的社会，前进向何方呢？每天忙忙碌碌、争分夺秒、一个劲儿向前冲的我们似乎并不知晓要冲向哪里。这样的社会和生活需要的似乎是快餐式的爱、消费式的爱，细水长流、时间磨砺的爱显得格格不入，我们哪有时间去慢慢培育爱，精心雕琢爱。我们不懂爱。爱需要成长，成长需要时间，我们需要放慢脚步，用平和的心态去观察、审视、学习生活，积累真爱的智慧。我们不懂爱吗？当我们怀着物化、干涸的心蓦然回首，不经意间，一份小小的关怀也会让我们感动，继而苏醒：原来，爱也简单，爱就是心底那份坚定的信念；原来，我们不是不懂爱，只是不愿去等待。
