Who was to blame？ The boys？ Yes； but the mother was evenmore to blame. She thought it was a shame to burden their younglives with “a sense of obligation”. She didn’t want her sons to “startout under debt”. So she never dreamed of saying： “What a princeyour stepfather is to help you through college！” Instead， she tookthe attitude： “Oh， that’s the least he can do.”
She thought she was sparing her sons， but in reality， she wassending them out into life with the dangerous idea that the worldowed them a living. And it was a dangerous idea—for one of thosesons tried to “borrow” from an employer， and ended up in jail！
We must remember that our children are very much what wemake them. For example， my mother’s sister—Viola Alexander—is a shining example of a woman who has never had cause tocomplain about the “ingratitude” of children. When I was a boy，Aunt Viola took her own mother into her home to love and takecare of； and she did the same thing for her husband’s mother. Ican still close my eyes and see those two old ladies sitting beforethe fire in Aunt Viola’s farmhouse. Were they any “trouble” to AuntViola？ Oh， often， I suppose. But you would never have guessed itfrom her attitude. She loved those old ladies—so she pamperedthem， and spoiled them， and made them feel at home. In addition，Aunt Viola had six children of her own； but it never occurred to herthat she was doing anything especially noble， or deserved any halosfor taking these old ladies into her home. To her， it was the naturalthing， the right thing， the thing she wanted to do.
Where is Aunt Viola today？ Well， she has now been a widowfor twenty-odd years， and she has five grown-up children—fiveseparate households—all clamouring to share her， and to have her come and live in their homes！ Her children adore her； they neverget enough of her. Out of “gratitude”？ Nonsense！ It is love—sheerlove. Those children breathed in warmth and radiant humankindnessall during their childhoods. Is it any wonder that， nowthat the situation is reversed， they give back love？
So let us remember that to raise grateful children， we have tobe grateful. Let us remember “little pitchers have big ears”—andwatch what we say. The next time we are tempted to belittlesomeone’s kindness in the presence of our children， let’s stop.
Let’s never say： “Look at these dishcloths Cousin Sue sent forChristmas. She knit them herself. They didn’t cost her a cent！”
The remark may seem trivial to us—but the children are listening.
So， instead， we had better say： “Look at the hours Cousin Suespent making these for Christmas！ Isn’t she nice？ Let’s write her athank—you note right now.” And our children may unconsciouslyabsorb the habit of praise and appreciation.
To avoid resentment and worry over ingratitude， here is Rule 3：
A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude， let’s expect it. Let’sremember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day-and only onethanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesusgot？
B. Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not toexpect gratitude， but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait； so if wewant our children to be grateful， we must train them to be grateful.
