“This approach becomes quite disarming， and by the timethe customer releases his feelings， he is usually much morereasonable when it comes to settling the matter. In fact， severalcustomers have thanked me for having such an understandingattitude. And two of them have even brought in friends to buynew cars. In this highly competitive market， we need more ofthis type of customer， and I believe that showing respect forall customers’ opinions and treating them diplomatically andcourteously will help beat the competition.”
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may bewrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponentto be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It willmake him want to admit that he， too， may be wrong.
Carl Rogers， the eminent psychologist， wrote in his book OnBecoming a Person：
I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myselfto understand the other person. The way in which I have worded this statement may seem strange to you， Is it necessary to permitoneself to understand another？ I think it is. Our first reactionto most of the statements （which we hear from other people）is an evaluation or judgment， rather than an understanding ofit. When someone expresses some feeling， attitude or belief，our tendency is almost immediately to feel “that’s right，” or“that’s stupid，”“that’s abnormal，”“that’s unreasonable，”“that’sincorrect，”“that’s not nice.” Very rarely do we permit ourselves tounderstand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to theother person.
I once employed an interior decorator to make some draperiesfor my home. When the bill arrived， I was dismayed.
A few days later， a friend dropped in and looked at thedraperies. The price was mentioned， and she exclaimed with anote of triumph： “What？ That’s awful. I am afraid he put one overon you.”
True？ Yes， she had told the truth， but few people like to listento truths that reflect on their judgment. So， being human， I triedto defend myself. I pointed out that the best is eventually thecheapest， that one can’t expect to get quality and artistic taste atbargain—basement prices， and so on and on.
The next day another friend dropped in， admired thedraperies， bubbled over with enthusiasm， and expressed a wishthat she could afford such exquisite creations for her home. Myreaction was totally different. “Well， to tell the truth，” I said， “Ican’t afford them myself. I paid too much. I’m sorry I orderedthem.”
When we are wrong， we may admit it to ourselves. And if weare handled gently and tactfully， we may admit it to others andeven take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down ouresophagus.
Martin Luther King was asked how， as a pacifist， he could bean admirer of Air Force General Daniel “Chappie” James， thenthe nation’s highest-ranking black officer. Dr. King replied， “Ijudge people by their own principles—not by my own.”
In a similar way， General Robert E. Lee once spoke to thepresident of the Confederacy， Jefferson Davis， in the mostglowing terms about a certain officer under his command.
Another officer in attendance was astonished. “General，” he said，“do you not know that the man of whom you speak so highlyis one of your bitterest enemies who misses no opportunity tomalign you？” “Yes，” replied General Lee， “but the president askedmy opinion of him； he did not ask for his opinion of me.”
In other words， don’t argue with your customer or your spouseor your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong， don’t get themstirred up. Use a little diplomacy.
