第119章 THE OLD SQUIRE'S TROUBLES (4)

I did when she was alive; and I do so now.' 'I never said you did not,' said Osborne, astonished at his father's passionate words and manner.'Yes, you did, sir.You meant it.I could see by your looks.I saw you look at my morning-coat.At any rate, I never neglected any wish of hers in her life-time.If she'd wished me to go to school again and learn my A, B, C, I would.By -- I would; and I wouldn't have gone playing me, and lounging away my time, for fear of vexing and disappointing her.Yet some folks older than schoolboys -- ' The squire choked here; but though the words would not come his passion did not diminish.'I'll not have you casting up your mother's wishes to me, sir.You, who went near to break her heart at last!' Osborne was strongly tempted to get up and leave the room.Perhaps it would have been better if he had; it might then have brought about an explanation, and a reconciliation between father and son.But he thought he did well in sitting still and appearing to take no notice.This indifference to what he was saying appeared to annoy the squire still more, and he kept on grumbling and talking to himself till Osborne, unable to bear it any longer, said, very quietly, but very bitterly, - 'I am only a cause of irritation to you, and home is no longer home to me, but a place in which I am to be controlled in trifles, and scolded about trifles as if I were a child.Put me in a way of making a living for myself - that much your oldest son has a right to ask of you - I will then leave this house, and you shall be no longer vexed by my dress, or my want of punctuality.' 'You make your request pretty much as another son did long ago: "Give me the portion that falleth to me." But I don't think what he did with his money is much encouragement for me to -- ' Then the thought of how little he could give his son his 'portion,' or any part of it, stopped the squire.Osborne took up the speech.'I'm as ready as any man to earn my living; only the preparation for any profession will cost money, and money I haven't got.' 'No more have I,' said the squire, shortly.'What is to be done then?' said Osborne, only half believing his father's words.'Why, you must learn to stop at home, and not take expensive journeys;and you must redeem your tailor's bills.I don't ask you to help me in the management of the land - you're far too fine a gentleman for that;but if you can't earn money, at least you needn't spend it.' 'I've told you I'm willing enough to earn money,' cried Osborne, passionately at last.'But how am I to do it? You really are very unreasonable, sir.' 'Am I?' said the squire - cooling in manner, though not in temper, as Osborne grew warm.'But I don't set up for being reasonable: men who have to pay away money that they haven't got for their extravagant sons, aren't likely to be reasonable.There's two things you've gone and done which put me beside myself, when I think of them: you've turned out next door to a dunce at college, when your poor mother thought so much of you - and when you might have pleased and gratified her so if you chose - and, well! I won't say what the other thing is.' 'Tell me, sir,' said Osborne, almost breathless with the idea that his father had discovered his secret marriage; but the father was thinking of the money-lenders, who were calculating how soon Osborne would come into the estate.'No!' said the squire.'I know what I know; and I'm not going to tell you how I know it.Only, I'll just say this - your friends no more know a piece of good timber when they see it than you or I know how you could earn five pounds if it was to keep you from starving.Now, there's Roger - we none of us made an ado about him; but he'll have his fellowship now I'll warrant him, and be a bishop, or a chancellor, or something, before we've found out he's clever - we've been so much taken up thinking about you.I don't know what's come over me to speak of "we" - "we" in this way,' said he, suddenly dropping his voice, - a change of tone as sad as sad could be.