ON SOME COUNTRY SNOBS
Something like a journal of the proceedings at the Evergreens may be interesting to those foreign readers of PUNCH who want to know the customs of an English gentleman's family and household.There's plenty of time to keep the Journal.Piano-strumming begins at six o'clock in the morning; it lasts till breakfast, with but a minute's intermission, when the instrument changes hands, and Miss Emily practises in place of her sister Miss Maria.
In fact, the confounded instrument never stops when the young ladies are at their lessons, Miss Wirt hammers away at those stunning variations, and keeps her magnificent finger in exercise.
I asked this great creature in what other branches of education she instructed her pupils? 'The modern languages,' says she modestly: 'French, German, Spanish, and Italian, Latin and the rudiments of Greek if desired.
English of course; the practice of Elocution, Geography, and Astronomy, and the Use of the Globes, Algebra (but only as far as quadratic equations); for a poor ignorant female, you know, Mr.Snob, cannot be expected to know everything.Ancient and Modern History no young woman can be without; and of these I make my beloved pupils PERFECT MISTRESSES.Botany, Geology, and Mineralogy, Iconsider as amusements.And with these I assure you we manage to pass the days at the Evergreens not unpleasantly.'
Only these, thought I--what an education! But I looked in one of Miss Ponto's manuscript song-books and found five faults of French in four words; and in a waggish mood asking Miss Wirt whether Dante Algiery was so called because he was born at Algiers, received a smiling answer in the affirmative, which made me rather doubt about the accuracy of Miss Wirt's knowledge.
When the above little morning occupations are concluded, these unfortunate young women perform what they call Calisthenic Exercises in the garden.I saw them to-day, without any crinoline, pulling the garden-roller.
Dear Mrs.Ponto was in the garden too, and as limp as her daughters; in a faded bandeau of hair, in a battered bonnet, in a holland pinafore, in pattens, on a broken chair, snipping leaves off a vine.Mrs.Ponto measures many yards about in an evening.Ye heavens! what a guy she is in that skeleton morning-costume!
Besides Stripes, they keep a boy called Thomas or Tummus.
Tummus works in the garden or about the pigsty and stable; Thomas wears a page's costume of eruptive buttons.
When anybody calls, and Stripes is out of the way, Tummus flings himself like mad into Thomas's clothes, and comes out metamorphosed like Harlequin in the pantomime.To-day, as Mrs.P.was cutting the grapevine, as the young ladies were at the roller, down comes Tummus like a roaring whirlwind, with 'Missus, Missus, there's company coomin'!' Away skurry the young ladies from the roller, down comes Mrs.P.from the old chair, off flies Tummus to change his clothes, and in an incredibly short space of time Sir John Hawbuck, my Lady Hawbuck, and Master Hugh Hawbuck are introduced into the garden with brazen effrontery by Thomas, who says, 'Please Sir Jan and my Lady to walk this year way: I KNOW Missus is in the rose-garden.'
And there, sure enough, she was!
