Well, certainly I improve; my master could not have insinuated himself with more address into the heart of a man he despised.Now will this blundering dog sicken Jenny with his nauseous pawings, until she flies into my arms for very ease.How sweet will the contrast be between the blundering Jonathan and the courtly and accomplished Jessamy!
END OF THE SECOND ACT.
ACT III.SCENE I.
DIMPLE'S Room.
DIMPLE discovered at a Toilet, Reading.
"WOMEN have in general but one object, which is their beauty." Very true, my lord; positively very true."Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her person."Extremely just, my lord; every day's delightful ex-perience confirms this."If her face is so shocking that she must, in some degree, be conscious of it, her figure and air, she thinks, make ample amends for it."The sallow Miss Wan is a proof of this.Upon my telling the distasteful wretch, the other day, that her countenance spoke the pensive language of sentiment, and that Lady Wortley Montague declared that if the ladies were arrayed in the garb of innocence, the face would be the last part which would be admired, as Monsieur Milton expresses it; she grinn'd horribly, a ghastly smile."If her figure is deformed, she thinks her face counterbalances it."Enter JESSAMY with letters.
DIMPLE
Where got you these, Jessamy?
JESSAMY
Sir, the English packet is arrived.
DIMPLE opens and reads a letter enclosing notes.
"Sir, "I have drawn bills on you in favour of Messrs.
Van Cash and Co.as per margin.I have taken up your note to Col.Piquet, and discharged your debts to my Lord Lurcher and Sir Harry Rook.I here-with enclose you copies of the bills, which I have no doubt will be immediately honoured.On failure, Ishall empower some lawyer in your country to recover the amounts.
"I am, Sir, "Your most humble servant, "JOHN HAZARD."Now, did not my lord expressly say that it was un-becoming a well-bred man to be in a passion, I confess I should be ruffled.[Reads.] "There is no accident so unfortunate, which a wise man may not turn to his advantage; nor any accident so fortunate, which a fool will not turn to his disadvantage." True, my lord; but how advantage can be derived from this Ican't see.Chesterfield himself, who made, however, the worst practice of the most excellent precepts, was never in so embarrassing a situation.I love the per-son of Charlotte, and it is necessary I should com-mand the fortune of Letitia.As to Maria!--I doubt not by my sang-froid behaviour I shall compel her to decline the match; but the blame must not fall upon me.A prudent man, as my lord says, should take all the credit of a good action to himself, and throw the discredit of a bad one upon others.I must break with Maria, marry Letitia, and as for Charlotte--why, Charlotte must be a companion to my wife.--Here, Jessamy!
Enter JESSAMY.
DIMPLE folds and seals two letters.
DIMPLE
Here, Jessamy, take this letter to my love.
[Gives one.
JESSAMY
To which of your honour's loves?--Oh! [reading]
to Miss Letitia, your honour's rich love.
DIMPLE
And this [delivers another] to Miss Charlotte Manly.
See that you deliver them privately.
JESSAMY
Yes, your honour.[Going.
DIMPLE
Jessamy, who are these strange lodgers that came to the house last night?
JESSAMY
Why, the master is a Yankee colonel; I have not seen much of him; but the man is the most unpol-ished animal your honour ever disgraced your eyes by looking upon.I have had one of the most outre con-versations with him!--He really has a most prodig-ious effect upon my risibility.
DIMPLE
I ought, according to every rule of Chesterfield, to wait on him and insinuate myself into his good graces.--Jessamy, wait on the colonel with my com-pliments, and if he is disengaged I will do myself the honour of paying him my respects.--Some ignorant, unpolished boor--JESSAMY goes off and returns.
JESSAMY
Sir, the colonel is gone out, and Jonathan his ser-vant says that he is gone to stretch his legs upon the Mall.--Stretch his legs! what an indelicacy of diction!
DIMPLE
Very well.Reach me my hat and sword.I'll ac-cost him there, in my way to Letitia's, as by accident;pretend to be struck by his person and address, and endeavour to steal into his confidence.Jessamy, Ihave no business for you at present.[Exit.
JESSAMY [taking up the book].
My master and I obtain our knowledge from the same source;--though, gad! I think myself much the prettier fellow of the two.[Surveying himself in the glass.] That was a brilliant thought, to insinuate that I folded my master's letters for him; the folding is so neat, that it does honour to the operator.I once in-tended to have insinuated that I wrote his letters too;but that was before I saw them; it won't do now;no honour there, positively.--"Nothing looks more vulgar, [reading affectedly] ordinary, and illiberal than ugly, uneven, and ragged nails; the ends of which should be kept even and clean, not tipped with black, and cut in small segments of circles."--Segments of circles! surely my lord did not consider that he wrote for the beaux.Segments of circles; what a crabbed term! Now I dare answer that my master, with all his learning, does not know that this means, according to the present mode, let the nails grow long, and then cut them off even at top.[Laughing without.] Ha! that's Jenny's titter.I protest I despair of ever teaching that girl to laugh; she has something so execrably natural in her laugh, that I declare it absolutely dis-composes my nerves.How came she into our house!
[Calls.] Jenny!
Enter JENNY.
JESSAMY
Prythee, Jenny, don't spoil your fine face with laughing.
JENNY
Why, mustn't I laugh, Mr.Jessamy?
JESSAMY
You may smile, but, as my lord says, nothing can authorise a laugh.
JENNY
Well, but I can't help laughing.--Have you seen him, Mr.Jessamy? ha, ha, ha!
JESSAMY
Seen whom?
JENNY
Why, Jonathan, the New England colonel's servant.
