``Aha, Mr.Oldenbuck! dat is my little secret, mine goot sir --you sall forgife me that I not tell that.But I will tell you dere are various ways--yes, indeed, dere is de dream dat you dream tree times--dat is a vary goot way.''
``I am glad of that,'' said Oldbuck; ``I have a friend'' (with a side-glance to Lovel) ``who is peculiarly favoured by the visits of Queen Mab.''
``Den dere is de sympathies, and de antipathies, and de strange properties and virtues natural of divers herb, and of de little divining-rod.''
``I would gladly rather see some of these wonders than hear of them,'' said Miss Wardour.
``Ah, but, my much-honoured young lady, this is not de time or de way to do de great wonder of finding all de church's plate and treasure; but to oblige you, and Sir Arthur my patron, and de reverend clergymans, and goot Mr.Oldenbuck, and young Mr.Lofel, who is a very goot young gentleman also, I will show you dat it is possible, a vary possible, to discover de spring, of water, and de little fountain hidden in de ground, without any mattock, or spade, or dig at all.''
``Umph!'' quoth the Antiquary, ``I have heard of that conundrum.
That will be no very productive art in our country;--you should carry that property to Spain or Portugal, and turn it to good account.''
``Ah! my goot Master Oldenbuck, dere is de Inquisition and de Auto-da-f<e'>--they would burn me, who am but a ****** philosopher, for one great conjurer.''
``They would cast away their coals then,'' said Oldbuck;``but,'' continued he, in a whisper to Lovel, ``were they to pillory him for one of the most impudent rascals that ever wagged a tongue, they would square the punishment more accurately with his deserts.But let us see: I think he is about to show us some of his legerdemain.''
In truth, the German was now got to a little copse-thicket at some distance from the ruins, where he affected busily to search for such a wand as would suit the purpose of his mystery: and after cutting and examining, and rejecting several, he at length provided himself with a small twig of hazel terminating in a forked end, which he pronounced to possess the virtue proper for the experiment that he was about to exhibit.Holding the forked ends of the wand, each between a finger and thumb, and thus keeping the rod upright, he proceeded to pace the ruined aisles and cloisters, followed by the rest of the company in admiring procession.``I believe dere was no waters here,'' said the adept, when he had made the round of several of the buildings, without perceiving any of those indications which he pretended to expect--``I believe those Scotch monksh did find de water too cool for de climate, and alwaysh drank de goot comfortable, Rhinewine.But, aha!--see there!'' Accordingly, the assistants observed the rod to turn in his fingers, although he pretended to hold it very tight.--``Dere is water here about, sure enough,'' and, turning this way and that way, as the agitation of the divining-rod seemed to increase or diminish, he at length advanced into the midst of a vacant and roofless enclosure which had been the kitchen of the priory, when the rod twisted itself so as to point almost straight downwards.
``Here is de place,'' said the adept, ``and if you do not find de water here, I will give you all leave to call me an impudent knave.''
``I shall take that license,'' whispered the Antiquary to Lovel, ``whether the water is discovered or no.''
A servant, who had come up with a basket of cold refreshments, was now despatched to a neighbouring forester's hut for a mattock and pick-axe.The loose stones and rubbish being removed from the spot indicated by the German, they soon came to the sides of a regularly-built well; and when a few feet of rubbish were cleared out by the assistance of the forester and his sons, the water began to rise rapidly, to the delight of the philosopher, the astonishment of the ladies, Mr.Blattergowl, and Sir Arthur, the surprise of Lovel, and the confusion of the incredulous Antiquary.He did not fail, however, to enter his protest in Lovers ear against the miracle.``This is a mere trick,''
he said; ``the rascal had made himself sure of the existence of this old well, by some means or other, before he played off this mystical piece of jugglery.Mark what he talks of next.I am much mistaken if this is not intended as a prelude to some more serious fraud.See how the rascal assumes consequence, and plumes himself upon the credit of his success, and how poor Sir Arthur takes in the tide of nonsense which he is delivering to him as principles of occult science!''
``You do see, my goot patron, you do see, my goot ladies, you do see, worthy Dr.Bladderhowl, and even Mr.Lofel and Mr.Oldenbuck may see, if they do will to see, how art has no enemy at all but ignorance.Look at this little slip of hazel nuts--it is fit for nothing at all but to whip de little child''--(``I would choose a cat and nine tails for your occasions,''
whispered Oldbuck apart)--``and you put it in the hands of a philosopher--paf! it makes de grand discovery.But this is nothing, Sir Arthur,--nothing at all, worthy Dr.Botherhowl--nothing at all, ladies--nothing at all, young Mr.Lofel and goot Mr.Oldenbuck, to what art can do.Ah! if dere was any man that had de spirit and de courage, I would show him better things than de well of water--I would show him''--``And a little money would be necessary also, would it not?''
said the Antiquary.
``Bah! one trifle, not worth talking about, maight be necessaries,''
answered the adept.
``I thought as much,'' rejoined the Antiquary, drily; ``and I, in the meanwhile, without any divining-rod, will show you an excellent venison pasty, and a bottle of London particular Madeira, and I think that will match all that Mr.Dousterswivel's art is like to exhibit.''
The feast was spread _fronde super viridi,_ as Oldbuck expressed himself, under a huge old tree called the Prior's Oak, and the company, sitting down around it, did ample honour to the, contents of the basket.
