ARPINUM (APRIL)
I HAVE often tried to say to you personally what I am about to write,but was prevented by a kind of almost clownish bashfulness.
Now that I am not in your presence I shall speak out more boldly:a letter does not blush.I am inflamed with an inconceivably ardent desire,and one,as I think,of which I have no reason to be ashamed,that in a history written by you my name should be conspicuous and frequently mentioned with praise.And though you have often shewn me that you meant to do so,yet I hope you will pardon my impatience.For the style of your composition,though I had always entertained the highest expectations of it,has yet surpassed my hopes,and has taken such a hold upon me,or rather has so fired my imagination,that I was eager to have my achievements as quickly as possible put on record in your history.
For it is not only the thought of being spoken of by future ages that makes me snatch at what seems a hope of immortality,but it is also the desre of fully enjoying in my lifetime an authoritative expression of your judgment,or a token of your kindness for me,or the charm of your genius.Not,however,that while thus writing I am unaware under what heavy burdens you are labouring in the portion of history you have undertaken,and by this time have begun to write.But because I saw that your history of the Italian and Civil Wars was now all but finished,and because also you told me that you were already embarking upon the remaining portions of your work,I determined not to lose my chance for the want of suggesting to you to consider whether you preferred to weave your account of me into the main context of your history,or whether,as many Greek writers have done--Callisthenes,the Phocian War;Timeus,the war of Pyrrhus;Polybius,that of Numantia;all of whom separated the wars I have named from their main narratives--you would,like them,separate the civil conspiracy from public and external wars.For my part,I do not see that it matters much to my reputation,but it does somewhat concern my impatience,that you should not wait till you come to the proper place,but should at once anticipate the discussion of that question as a whole and the history of that epoch.And at the same time,if your whole thoughts are engaged on one incident and one person,Ican see in imagination how much fuller your material will be,and how much more elaborately worked out.I am quite aware,however,what little modesty I display,first,in imposing on you so heavy a burden (for your engagements may well prevent your compliance with my request),and in the second place,in asking you to shew me off to advantage.What if those transactions are not in your judgment so very deserving of commendation?Yet,after all,a man who has once passed the border-line of modesty had better put a bold face on it and be frankly impudent.And so Iagain and again ask you outright,both to praise those actions of mine in warmer terms than you perhaps feel,and in that respect to neglect the laws of history.I ask you,too,in regard to the personal predilection,on which you wrote in a certain introductory chapter in the most gratifying and explicit terms--and by which you shew that you were as incapable of being diverted as Xenophon's Hercules by Pleasure--not to go against it,but to yield to your affection for me a little more than truth shall justify.But if I can induce you to undertake this,you will have,I am persuaded,matter worthy of your genius and your wealth of language.For from the beginning of the conspiracy to my return from exile it appears to me that a moderate-sized monograph might be composed,in which you will,on the one hand,be able to utilize your special knowledge of civil disturbances,either in unravelling the causes of the revolution or in proposing remedies for evils,blaming meanwhile what you think deserves denunciation,and establishing the righteousness of what you approve by explaining the principles on which they rest:and on the other hand,if you think it right to be more outspoken (as you generally do),you will bring out the perfidy,intrigues,and treachery of many people towards me.For my vicissitudes will supply you in your composition with much variety,which has in itself a kind of charm,capable of taking a strong hold on the imagination of readers,when you are the writer.
