The man had a rifle; and when his body was found, one of the barrels was curved into the shape of an S and very nearly bitten through.
Montgomery shot the thing. After that I stuck to the ideal of humanity--except for little things."
He became silent. I sat in silence watching his face.
"So for twenty years altogether--counting nine years in England--I have been going on; and there is still something in everything I do that defeats me, makes me dissatisfied, challenges me to further effort.
Sometimes I rise above my level, sometimes I fall below it; but always I fall short of the things I dream. The human shape I can get now, almost with ease, so that it is lithe and graceful, or thick and strong;but often there is trouble with the hands and the claws,--painful things, that I dare not shape too freely. But it is in the subtle grafting and reshaping one must needs do to the brain that my trouble lies.
The intelligence is often oddly low, with unaccountable blank ends, unexpected gaps. And least satisfactory of all is something that Icannot touch, somewhere--I cannot determine where--in the seat of the emotions. Cravings, instincts, desires that harm humanity, a strange hidden reservoir to burst forth suddenly and inundate the whole being of the creature with anger, hate, or fear.
These creatures of mine seemed strange and uncanny to you so soon as you began to observe them; but to me, just after I make them, they seem to be indisputably human beings. It's afterwards, as Iobserve them, that the persuasion fades. First one animal trait, then another, creeps to the surface and stares out at me.
But I will conquer yet! Each time I dip a living creature into the bath of burning pain, I say, `This time I will burn out all the animal;this time I will make a rational creature of my own!' After all, what is ten years? Men have been a hundred thousand in the ******."He thought darkly. "But I am drawing near the fastness.
This puma of mine--" After a silence, "And they revert.
As soon as my hand is taken from them the beast begins to creep back, begins to assert itself again." Another long silence.
"Then you take the things you make into those dens?" said I.
"They go. I turn them out when I begin to feel the beast in them, and presently they wander there. They all dread this house and me.
There is a kind of travesty of humanity over there. Montgomery knows about it, for he interferes in their affairs. He has trained one or two of them to our service. He's ashamed of it, but I believe he half likes some of those beasts. It's his business, not mine.
They only sicken me with a sense of failure. I take no interest in them.
I fancy they follow in the lines the Kanaka missionary marked out, and have a kind of mockery of a rational life, poor beasts!
There's something they call the Law. Sing hymns about `all thine.'
They build themselves their dens, gather fruit, and pull herbs--marry even. But I can see through it all, see into their very souls, and see there nothing but the souls of beasts, beasts that perish, anger and the lusts to live and gratify themselves.--Yet they're odd;complex, like everything else alive. There is a kind of upward striving in them, part vanity, part waste sexual emotion, part waste curiosity. It only mocks me. I have some hope of this puma.
I have worked hard at her head and brain--"And now," said he, standing up after a long gap of silence, during which we had each pursued our own thoughts, "what do you think? Are you in fear of me still?"I looked at him, and saw but a white-faced, white-haired man, with calm eyes. Save for his serenity, the touch almost of beauty that resulted from his set tranquillity and his magnificent build, he might have passed muster among a hundred other comfortable old gentlemen.
Then I shivered. By way of answer to his second question, I handed him a revolver with either hand.
"Keep them," he said, and snatched at a yawn. He stood up, stared at me for a moment, and smiled. "You have had two eventful days,"said he. "I should advise some sleep. I'm glad it's all clear.
Good-night." He thought me over for a moment, then went out by the inner door.
I immediately turned the key in the outer one. I sat down again;sat for a time in a kind of stagnant mood, so weary, emotionally, mentally, and physically, that I could not think beyond the point at which he had left me. The black window stared at me like an eye.
At last with an effort I put out the light and got into the hammock.
Very soon I was asleep.
