Chapter 39 It was three weeks after the marriage that Clare found himself descending the hill which led to the well-known parsonage of his father.With his downward course the tower of the church rose into the evening sky in a manner of inquiry as to why he had come; and no living person in the twilighted town seemed to notice him, still less expect him.He was arriving like a ghost, and the sound of his own footsteps was almost an encumbrance to be got rid of.
The picture of life had changed for him.Before this time he had known it but speculatively; now he thought he knew it as a practical man; though perhaps he did not, even yet.Nevertheless humanity stood before him no longer in the pensive sweetness of Italian art, but in the staring and ghastly attitudes of a Wiertz Museum, and with the leer of a study by Van Beers.
His conduct during these first weeks had been desultory beyond description.
After mechanically attempting to pursue his agricultural plans as though nothing unusual had happened, in the manner recommended by the great and wise men of all ages, he concluded that very few of those great and wise men had ever gone so far outside themselves as to test the feasibility of their counsel.`This is the chief thing: be not perturbed,' said the Pagan moralist.That was just Clare's own opinion.But he was perturbed.
`Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid,' sad the Nazarene.
Clare chimed in cordially; but his heart was troubled all the same.How he would have liked to confront those two great thinkers, and earnestly appeal to them as fellow-man to fellow-men, and ask them to tell him their method!
His mood transmuted itself into a dogged indifference till at length he fancied he was looking on his own existence with the passive interest of an outsider.
He was embittered by the conviction that all this desolation had been brought about by the accident of her being a d'Urberville.When he found that Tess came of that exhausted ancient line, and was not of the new tribes from below, as he had fondly dreamed, why had he not stoically abandoned her, in fidelity to his principles? This was what he had got by apostasy, and his punishment was deserved.
Then he became weary and anxious, and his anxiety increased.He wondered if he had treated her unfairly.He ate without knowing that he ate, and drank without tasting.As the hours dropped past, as the motive of each act in the long series of bygone days presented itself to his view, he perceived how intimately the notion of having Tess as a dear possession was mixed up with all his schemes and words and ways.
In going hither and thither he observed in the outskirts of a small town a red-and-blue placard setting forth the great advantages of the Empire of Brazil as a field for the emigrating agriculturist.Land was offered there on exceptionally advantageous terms.Brazil somewhat attracted him as a new idea.Tess could eventually loin him there, and perhaps in that country of contrasting scenes and notions and habits the conventions would not be so operative which made life with her seem impracticable to him here.In brief he was strongly inclined to try Brazil, especially as the season for going thither was just at hand.
With this view he was returning to Emminster to disclose his plan to his parents, and to make the best explanation he could make of arriving without Tess, short of revealing what had actually separated them.As he reached the door the new moon shone upon his face, just as the old one had done in the small hours of that morning when he had carried his wife in his arms across the river to the graveyard of the monks; but his face was thinner now.
Clare had given his parents no warning of his visit, and his arrival stirred the atmosphere of the Vicarage as the dive of the kingfisher stirs a quiet pool.His father and mother were both in the drawing-room, but neither of his brothers was now at home.Angel entered, and closed the door quietly behind him.
`But - where's your wife, dear Angel?' cried his mother.`How you surprise us!'
`She is at her mother's - temporarily.I have come home rather in a hurry because I've decided to go to Brazil.'
`Brazil! Why they are all Roman Catholics there surely!'
`Are they? I hadn't thought of that.'
But even the novelty and painfulness of his going to a Papistical land could not displace for long Mr and Mrs Clare's natural interest in their son's marriage.
`We had your brief note three weeks ago announcing that it had taken place,' said Mrs Clare, `and your father sent your god-mother's gift to her, as you know.Of course it was best that none of us should be present, especially as you preferred to marry her from the dairy, and not at her home, wherever that may be.It would have embarrassed you, and given us no pleasure.Your brothers felt that very strongly.Now it is done we do not complain, particularly if she suits you for the business you have chosen to follow instead of the ministry of the Gospel....Yet I wish I could have seen her first, Angel, or have known a little more about her.We sent her no present of our own, not knowing what would best give her pleasure, but you must suppose it only delayed.Angel, there is no irritation in my mind or your father's against you for this marriage; but we have thought it much better to reserve our liking for your wife till we could see her.
And now you have not brought her.It seems strange.What has happened?'
He replied that it had been thought best by them that she should go to her parents' home for the present, whilst he came there.
`I don't mind telling you, dear mother,' he said, `that I always meant to keep her away from this house till I should feel she could come with credit to you.But this idea of Brazil is quite a recent one.If I do go it will be unadvisable for me to take her on this my first journey.She will remain at her mother's till I come back.'
`And I shall not see her before you start?'
