"Two weeks from Saturday on the Olympic,if that is convenient for you."Her manner seemed one of friendly solicitude."You will remain in the house this summer,as usual,I suppose?""Yes,"I said.
It was a sunny,warm morning,and I went downtown in the motor almost blithely.It was the best solution after all,and I had been a fool to oppose it....At the office,there was much business awaiting me;yet once in a while,during the day,when the tension relaxed,the recollection of what had happened flowed back into my consciousness.
Maude was going!
I had telephoned Nancy,****** an appointment for the afternoon.
Sometimes--not too frequently--we were in the habit of going out into the country in one of her motors,a sort of landaulet,I believe,in which we were separated from the chauffeur by a glass screen.She was waiting for me when I arrived,at four;and as soon as we had shot clear of the city,"Maude is going away,"I told her.
"Going away?"she repeated,struck more by the tone of my voice than by what I had said.
"She announced last night that she was going abroad indefinitely."I had been more than anxious to see how Nancy would take the news.Aflush gradually deepened in her cheeks.
"You mean that she is going to leave you?""It looks that way.In fact,she as much as said so.""Why?"said Nancy.
"Well,she explained it pretty thoroughly.Apparently,it isn't a sudden decision,"I replied,trying to choose my words,to speak composedly as Irepeated the gist of our conversation.Nancy,with her face averted,listened in silence--a silence that continued some time after I had ceased to speak.
"She didn't--she didn't mention--?"the sentence remained unfinished.
"No,"I said quickly,"she didn't.She must know,of course,but I'm sure that didn't enter into it."Nancy's eyes as they returned to me were wet,and in them was an expression I had never seen before,--of pain,reproach,of questioning.
It frightened me.
"Oh,Hugh,how little you know!"she cried.
"What do you mean?"I demanded.
"That is what has brought her to this decision--you and I.""You mean that--that Maude loves me?That she is jealous?"I don't know how I managed to say it.
"No woman likes to think that she is a failure,"murmured Nancy.
"Well,but she isn't really,"I insisted."She could have made another man happy--a better man.It was all one of those terrible mistakes our modern life seems to emphasize so.""She is a woman,"Nancy said,with what seemed a touch of vehemence.
"It's useless to expect you to understand....Do you remember what Isaid to you about her?How I appealed to you when you married to try to appreciate her?""It wasn't that I didn't appreciate her,"I interrupted,surprised that Nancy should have recalled this,"she isn't the woman for me,we aren't made for each other.It was my mistake,my fault,I admit,but I don't agree with you at all,that we had anything to do with her decision.It is just the--the culmination of a long period of incompatibility.She has come to realize that she has only one life to live,and she seems happier,more composed,more herself than she has ever been since our marriage.Of course I don't mean to say it isn't painful for her....
But I am sure she isn't well,that it isn't because of our seeing one another,"I concluded haltingly.
"She is finer than either of us,Hugh,--far finer."I did not relish this statement.
"She's fine,I admit.But I can't see how under the circumstances any of us could have acted differently."And Nancy not replying,I continued:
"She has made up her mind to go,--I suppose I could prevent it by taking extreme measures,--but what good would it do?Isn't it,after all,the most sensible,the only way out of a situation that has become impossible?Times have changed,Nancy,and you yourself have been the first to admit it.Marriage is no longer what it was,and people are coming to look upon it more sensibly.In order to perpetuate the institution,as it was,segregation,insulation,was the only course.
Men segregated their wives,women their husbands,--the only logical method of procedure,but it limited the individual.Our mothers and fathers thought it scandalous if husband or wife paid visits alone.It wasn't done.But our modern life has changed all that.A marriage,to be a marriage,should be proof against disturbing influences,should leave the individuals free;the binding element should be love,not the force of an imposed authority.You seemed to agree to all this.""Yes,I know,"she admitted."But I cannot think that happiness will ever grow out of unhappiness.""But Maude will not be unhappy,"I insisted."She will be happier,far happier,now that she has taken the step.""Oh,I wish I thought so,"Nancy exclaimed."Hugh,you always believe what you want to believe.And the children.How can you bear to part with them?"I was torn,I had a miserable sense of inadequacy.
"I shall miss them,"I said."I have never really appreciated them.Iadmit I don't deserve to have them,and I am willing to give them up for you,for Maude..."We had made one of our favourite drives among the hills on the far side of the Ashuela,and at six were back at Nancy's house.I did not go in,but walked slowly homeward up Grant Avenue.It had been a trying afternoon.I had not expected,indeed,that Nancy would have rejoiced,but her attitude,her silences,betraying,as they did,compunctions,seemed to threaten our future happiness.
