Mrs. Gamp changed colour, and sat down upon the bedstead.
`Lord bless you, Betsey Prig, your words is true. I quite forgot it!'
Mrs. Prig, looking steadfastly at her friend, put her hand in her pocket, and with an air of surly triumph drew forth either the oldest of lettuces or youngest of cabbages, but at any rate, a green vegetable of an expansive nature, and of such magnificent proportions that she was obliged to shut it up like an umbrella before she could pull it out. She also produced a handful of mustard and cress, a trifle of the herb called dandelion, three bunches of radishes, an onion rather larger than an average turnip, three substantial slices of beetroot, and a short prong or antler of celery; the whole of this garden-stuff having been publicly exhibited, but a short time before, as a twopenny salad, and purchased by Mrs. Prig on condition that the vendor could get it all into her pocket. Which had been happily accomplished, in High Holborn, to the breathless interest of a hackney-coach stand. And she laid so little stress on this surprising forethought, that she did not even smile, but returning her pocket into its accustomed sphere, merely recommended that these productions of nature should be sliced up, for immediate consumption, in plenty of vinegar.
`And don't go a-droppin' none of your snuff in it,' said Mrs. Prig.
`In gruel, barley-water, apple-tea, mutton-broth, and that, it don't signify.
It stimulates a patient. But I don't relish it myself.'
`Why, Betsey Prig!' cried Mrs. Gamp, `how can you talk so!'
`Why, ain't your patients, wotever their diseases is, always asneezin' their wery heads off, along of your snuff?' said Mrs. Prig.
`And wot if they are!' said Mrs. Gamp `Nothing if they are,' said Mrs. Prig. `But don't deny it, Sairah.'
`Who deniges of it?' Mrs. Gamp inquired.
Mrs. Prig returned no answer.
`Who deniges of it, Betsey?' Mrs. Gamp inquired again. Then Mrs. Gamp, by reversing the question, imparted a deeper and more awful character of solemnity to the same. `Betsey, who deniges of it?'
It was the nearest possible approach to a very decided difference of opinion between these ladies; but Mrs. Prig's impatience for the meal being greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, she replied, for the present, `Nobody, if you don't, Sairah,' and prepared herself for tea. For a quarrel can be taken up at any time, but a limited quantity of salmon cannot.
Her toilet was ******. She had merely to `chuck' her bonnet and shawl upon the bed; give her hair two pulls, one upon the right side and one upon the left, as if she were ringing a couple of bells; and all was done.
The tea was already made, Mrs. Gamp was not long over the salad, and they were soon at the height of their repast.
The temper of both parties was improved, for the time being, by the enjoyments of the table. When the meal came to a termination (which it was pretty long in doing), and Mrs. Gamp having cleared away, produced the teapot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple of wine-glasses, they were quite amiable.
`Betsey,' said Mrs. Gamp, filling her own glass and passing the teapot, `I will now propoge a toast. My frequent pardner, Betsey Prig!'
`Which, altering the name to Sairah Gamp; I drink,' said Mrs. Prig, `with love and tenderness.'
From this moment symptoms of inflammation began to lurk in the nose of each lady; and perhaps, notwithstanding all appearances to the contrary, in the temper also.
`Now, Sairah,' said Mrs. Prig, `joining business with pleasure, wot is this case in which you wants me?'
Mrs. Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an evasive answer, Betsey added:
` Is it Mrs. Harris?'
`No, Betsey Prig, it ain't,' was Mrs. Gamp's reply.
`Well!' said Mrs. Prig, with a short laugh. `I'm glad of that, at any rate.'
`Why should you be glad of that, Betsey?' Mrs. Gamp retorted, warmly.
`She is unbeknown to you except by hearsay, why should you be glad? If you have anythink to say contrairy to the character of Mrs. Harris, which well I knows behind her back, afore her face, or anywheres, is not to be impeaged, out with it, Betsey. I have know'd that sweetest and best of women,' said Mrs. Gamp, shaking her head, and shedding tears, `ever since afore her First, which Mr. Harris who was dreadful timid went and stopped his ears in a empty dogkennel, and never took his hands away or come out once till he was showed the baby, wen bein' took with fits, the doctor collared him and laid him on his back upon the airy stones, and she was told to ease her mind, his owls was organs. And I have know'd her, Betsey Prig, when he has hurt her feelin' art by sayin' of his Ninth that it was one too many, if not two, while that dear innocent was cooin' in his face, which thrive it did though bandy, but I have never know'd as you had occagion to be glad, Betsey, on accounts of Mrs. Harris not requiring you. Require she never will, depend upon it, for her constant words in sickness is, and will be, "Send for Sairey?"'
During this touching address, Mrs. Prig adroitly feigning to be the victim of that absence of mind which has its origin in excessive attention to one topic, helped herself from the teapot without appearing to observe it. Mrs. Gamp observed it, however, and came to a premature close in consequence.
`Well, it ain't her, it seems,' said Mrs. Prig, coldly: `who is it then?'
`You have heerd me mention, Betsey,' Mrs. Gamp replied, after glancing in an expressive and marked manner at the tea-pot, `a person as I took care on at the time as you and me was pardners off and on, in that there fever at the Bull?'
`Old Snuffey,' Mrs. Prig observed.
