Why, they actually went so far as to write to the Presbytery that I was antagonizing the people and ruining the Church. Well, you remember the big meeting called to protest against this vice? The enemy packed the house. Had half a dozen speakers for the 'Liberal' side. Unfortunately I had been sent for to see a fellow dying up the line. It looked for a complete knockout for me. In came Dr. Bailey, waited till they were all through their talk, and then went for them. He didn't speak more than ten minutes, but in those ten minutes he crumpled them up utterly and absolutely.
Colonel Hilliers and the editor of The Pioneer, I understand, went white and red, yellow and green, by turns. The crowd simply yelled. You know he is tremendously popular with the men. They passed my resolution standing on the backs of their seats. Quite true, the doctor went from the meeting to a big poker game and stayed at it all night. But I'm inclined to forgive him that, and all the more because I am told he was after that fellow 'Mexico' and his gang. Oh, it was a fine bit of work. I've often wished to meet him, but he's a hard man to find. He must be a good sort at bottom."
"To hear Tommy talk," replied Margaret, "you would make up your mind he was a saint. He tells the most heart-moving stories of his ways and doings, nursing the sick and helping those who are down on their luck. Why, he and Ben almost came to blows this morning in regard to the comparative merits of the doctor and yourself."
"Ben, eh? I can never be thankful enough," said **** earnestly, "that you brought Ben West with you. It always makes me feel safer to think that he is here."
"Ben will agree with you," replied Margaret, "I assure you. He assumes full care of me and of the whole institution."
"Good boy, Ben," said ****, heartily. "And he is a kind of link to that old home and--with the past, the beautiful past, the past I like to think of." The shadows were creeping up on ****'s face, deepening its lines and emphasizing the look of weariness and unrest.
"A beautiful past it was," replied Margaret gently. "We ought to be thankful that we have it."
"Have you heard anything?" inquired ****.
"No. Iola's letter was the last. He had left London shortly after her arrival, so Jack Charrington had told her. She didn't know where he had gone. Charrington thought to the West somewhere, but there has been no word since."
**** put his head on the table and groaned aloud.
"Never mind, ****, boy," said Margaret, laying her hand upon his head as if he had been a child, "it will all come right some day."
"I can't stand it, Margaret!" groaned ****, "I shut it out from me for weeks and then it all comes over me again. It was my cursed folly that wrecked everything! Wrecked Barney's life, Iola's, too, for all I know, and mine!"
"You must not say wrecked," replied Margaret.
"What other word is there? Wrecked and ruined. I know what you would say; but whatever the next life has for us, there is nothing left in this that can atone!"
"That, too, you must not say, ****," said Margaret. "God has something yet for us. He always keeps for us better than He has given. The best is always before us. Besides," she continued eagerly, "He has given you all this work to do, this beautiful work."
The word recalled ****. He sat up straight. "Yes, yes, I must not forget. I am not worthy to touch it. He gave me this chance to work. What else should I want? And after all, this is the best.
I can't help the heart-hunger now and then, but God forbid I should ever say a word of anything but gratitude. I was down, down, far down out of sight. He pulled me up. Who am I to complain? But I am not complaining! It is not for myself. If there were only one word to know he was doing well, was safe!" He turned suddenly to Margaret with an almost fierce earnestness. "Margaret, do you think God will give me this?" His voice was hoarse with the intensity of his passion. "Do you know, I sometimes feel that I don't want Heaven without this. I never pray for anything else.
Wealth, honour, fame, I once longed for these. But now these are nothing to me if only I knew Barney was right and safe and well.
Yes, even my love for you, Margaret, the best thing, the truest thing next to my love of my Lord, I'd give up to know. But three years have gone since that awful night and not a word! It eats and eats and eats into me here," he smote himself hard over his heart, "till the actual physical pain is at times more than I can stand.
What do you think, Margaret?" he continued, his face quivering piteously. "Every time I think of God I think of Barney. Every prayer I make I ask for Barney. I wake at night and it is Barney I am thinking of. Can I stand this long? Will I have to stand it long? Has God forgiven me? And when He forgives, does He take away the pain? Sometimes I wonder if there is anything in all this I preach!"
"Hush, ****!" said Margaret, her voice broken with the grief she understood only too well. "Hush! You must not doubt God. God forgives and loves and grieves with our griefs. He will take away the pain as soon as He can. You must believe this and wait and trust. God will give him back to us. I feel it here." She laid her hand upon her heaving breast.
For some moments **** was silent. "Perhaps so," he said at length.
"For your sake He might. Yes, down in my heart I believe he will."
