TUCSON JENNIES HEART.
"'Whyever ain't I married?' says you." The Old Cattleman repeated the question after me as he settled himself for one of our many "pow-wows," as he described them."Looks like you've dealt me that conundrum before.Why ain't I wedded? The answer to that, son, is a long shot an' a limb in the way.
"Now I reckons the reason why I'm allers wifeless a whole lot is mainly due to the wide pop'larity of them females I takes after.
Some other gent sorter gets her first each time, an' nacherally that bars me.Bill Jenks's wife on that occasion is a spec'men case.
That's one of the disapp'intments I onfolds to you.Now thar's a maiden I not only wants, but needs; jest the same, Bill gets her.
An' it's allers sim'lar; I never yet holds better than ace-high when the stake's a lady.
"It's troo," he continued, reflectively puffing his pipe."I was disp'sitioned for a wife that a-way when I'm a colt.But that's a long time ago; I ain't in line for no sech gymnastics no more; my years is 'way ag'in it.
"You've got to ketch folks young to marry 'em.After they gets to be thirty years they goes slowly to the altar.If you aims to marry a gent after he's thirty you has to blindfold him an' back him in.
Females, of course, ain't so obdurate.No; I s'pose this yere bein'
married is a heap habit, same as tobacco an' jig-juice.If a gent takes a hand early, it's a good game, I makes no sort of doubt.But let him get to millin' 'round in the thirties or later, an' him not begun none as yet; you bet he don't marry nothin'.
"Bar an onexplainable difference with the girl's old man," he went on with an air of thought, "I s'pose I'd be all married right now.Iwas twenty, them times.It's 'way back in Tennessee.Her folks lives about 'leven miles from me out on the Pine Knot Pike, an' once in two weeks I saddles up an' sorter sidles over.Thar's jest her old pap an' her mother an' her in the fam'ly, an' it's that far I allers made to stay all night.Thar's only two beds, an' so I'm put to camp along of the old man the times I stays.
"Them days I'm 'way bashful an' behind on all social plays, an' am plenty awe-struck about the old foiks.I never feels happy a minute where they be.The old lady does her best to make me easy an' free, too.Comes out when I rides up, an' lets down the bars for my hoss, an' asks me to rest my hat the second I'm in the door.
"Which matters goes on good enough ontil mebby it's the eighth time I'm thar.I remembers the night all perfect.Me an' the girl sets up awhile, an' then I quits her an' turns in.I gets to sleep a-layin'
along the aige of the bed, aimin' to keep 'way from the old man, who's snorln' an' thrashin' 'round an' takin' on over in the middle.
"I don't recall much of nothin' ontil I comes to, a-holdin' to the old man's y'ear with one hand an' a-hammerin' of his features with t'other.I don't know yet, why.I s'pose I'm locoed an' dreamin', an allows he's a b'ar or somethin' in my sleep that a-way, an' tries to kill him."Son, it's 'way back a long time, but I shudders yet when I reflects on that old man's language.I jumps up when I realizes things, grabs my raiment, an', gettin' my hoss outen the corral, goes p'intin' down the pike more'n a mile 'fore I even stops to dress.The last I sees of the old man lie's buckin' an' pitchin' an'
tossin', an' the females a-holdin' of him, an' he reachin' to get a Hawkins's rifle as hangs over the door.I never goes back no more, 'cause he's mighty tindictive about it.He tries to make it a grandjury matter next co't-time.
"Speakin' of nuptials, however, you can't tell much about women.
Thar's a girl who shorely s'prises us once in a way out in Wolfville.Missis Rucker, who runs the O.K.Restauraw, gets this female from Tucson to fry flap-jacks an' salt hoss, an' he'p her deal her little gastronomic game.This yere girl's name is Jennie-Tucson Jennie.She looks like she's a nice, good girl, too; one of them which it's easy to love, an' in less'n two weeks thar's half the camp gets smitten."It affects business, it's that bad.Cherokee Hall tells me thar ain't half the money gets changed in at faro as usual, an' the New York Store reports gents goin' broke ag'in biled shirts, an' sim'lar deadfalls daily.Of course this yere first frenzy subsides a whole lot after a month."All this time Jennie ain't sayin' a word.She jest shoves them foolish yooths their enchiladas an' ckile con carne, an' ignores all winks an' looks complete.
"Thar's a party named Jim Baxter in camp, an' he sets in to win Jennie hard.Jim tries to crowd the game an' get action.It looks like he's due to make the trip too.Missis Rucker is backin' his play, an' Jennie herse'f sorter lets him set 'round in the kitchen an' watch her work; which this yore is license an' riot itse'f compared with how she treats others.Occasionally some of us sorter tries to stack up for Jim an' figger out where he stands with the the game.
"'How's it goin', Baxter?' Enright asks one day.
"'It's too many for me,' says Jim.'Some-times I thinks I corrals her, an' then ag'in it looks like I ain't in it.Jest now I'm feelin' some dejected.'
"'Somethin' oughter be schemed to settle this yere,' says Enright.
'It keeps the camp in a fever, an' mebby gets serious an' spreads.'
"'If somebody would only prance in,' says Doc Peets, 'an' shoot Jim up some, you'd have her easy.Females is like a rabbit in a bush-pile; you has to shake things up a lot to make 'em come out.Now, if Jim is dyin' an' she cares for him, she's shorely goin' to show her hand.'
"I wants to pause right yere to observe that Doc Peets is the best-eddicated sharp I ever encounters in my life.An' what he don't know about squaws is valueless as information.But to go on with the deal.
"'That's right,' says Cherokee Hall, 'but of course it ain't goin'
to do to shoot Jim up none.'
