D'Epinay, wishing to add a wing which was wanting to the chateau of the Chevrette, was at an immense expense in completing it.Going one day with Madam D'Epinay to see the building, we continued our walk a quarter of a league further to the reservoir of the waters of the park which joined the forest of Montmorency, and where there was a handsome kitchen garden, with a little lodge, much out of repair, called the Hermitage.This solitary and very agreeable place had struck me when Isaw it for the first time before my journey to Geneva.I had exclaimed in my transport: "Ah, madam, what a delightful habitation! This asylum was purposely prepared for me." Madam D'Epinay did not pay much attention to what I said; but at this second journey I was quite surprised to find, instead of the old decayed building, a little house almost entirely new, well laid out, and very habitable for a little family of three persons.Madam D'Epinay had caused this to be done in silence, and at a very small expense, by detaching a few materials and some of the workmen from the castle.She now said to me, on remarking my surprise: "My dear, here behold your asylum: it is you who have chosen it; friendship offers it to you.I hope this will remove from you the cruel idea of separating from me." I do not think I was ever in my life more strongly or more deliciously affected.I bathed with tears the beneficent hand of my friend; and if I were not conquered from that very instant even, I was extremely staggered.Madam D'Epinay, who would not be denied, became so pressing, employed so many means, so many people to circumvent me, proceeding even so far as to gain over Madam le Vasseur and her daughter, that at length she triumphed over all my resolutions.
Renouncing the idea of residing in my own country, I resolved, Ipromised, to inhabit the Hermitage; and, whilst the building was drying, Madam D'Epinay took care to prepare furniture, so that everything was ready the following spring.
One thing which greatly aided me in determining, was the residence Voltaire had chosen near Geneva; I easily comprehended this man would cause a revolution there, and that I should find in my country the manners, which drove me from Paris; that I should be under the necessity of incessantly struggling hard, and have no other alternative than that of being an unsupportable pedant, a poltroon, or a bad citizen.The letter Voltaire wrote me on my last work, induced me to insinuate my fears in my answer; and the effect this produced confirmed them.From that moment I considered Geneva as lost, and Iwas not deceived.I perhaps ought to have met the storm, had I thought myself capable of resisting it.But what could I have done alone, timid, and speaking badly, against a man, arrogant, opulent, supported by the credit of the great, eloquent, and already the idol of the women and young men? I was afraid of uselessly exposing myself to danger to no purpose.I listened to nothing but my peaceful disposition, to my love of repose, which, if it then deceived me, still continues to deceive me on the same subject.By retiring to Geneva, I should have avoided great misfortunes; but I have my doubts whether, with all my ardent and patriotic zeal, I should have been able to effect anything great and useful for my country.
Tronchin, who about the same time went to reside at Geneva, came afterwards to Paris and brought with him treasures.At his arrival he came to see me, with the Chevalier Jaucourt.Madam D'Epinay had a strong desire to consult him in private, but this it was not easy to do.She addressed herself to me, and I engaged Tronchin to go and see her.Thus under my auspices they began a connection, which was afterwards increased at my expense.Such has ever been my destiny: the moment I had united two friends who were separately mine, they never failed to combine against me.Although, in the conspiracy then formed by the Tronchins, they must all have borne me a mortal hatred.The Doctor still continued friendly to me: he even wrote me a letter after his return to Geneva, to propose to me the place of honorary librarian.But I had taken my resolution, and the offer did not tempt me to depart from it.
About this time I again visited M.d'Holbach.My visit was occasioned by the death of his wife, which, as well as that of Madam Francueil, happened whilst I was at Geneva.Diderot, when he communicated to me these melancholy events, spoke of the deep affliction of the husband.His grief affected my heart.I myself was grieved for the loss of that excellent woman, and wrote to M.
d'Holbach a letter of condolence.I forgot all the wrongs he had done me, and at my return from Geneva, and after he had made the tour of France with Grimm and other friends to alleviate his affliction, I went to see him, and continued my visits until my departure for the Hermitage.As soon as it was known in his circle that Madam D'Epinay was preparing me a habitation there, innumerable sarcasms, founded upon the want I must feel of the flattery and amusements of the city, and the supposition of my not being able to support the solitude for a fortnight, were uttered against me.Feeling within myself how I stood affected, I left him and his friends to say what they pleased, and pursued my intention.M.d'Holbach rendered me some services* in finding a place for the old Le Vasseur, who was eighty years of age, and a burden to his wife, from which she begged me to relieve her.He was put into a house of charity, where, almost as soon as he arrived there, age and the grief of finding himself removed from his family sent him to the grave.His wife and all his children, except Theresa, did not much regret his loss.But she, who loved him tenderly, has ever since been inconsolable, and never forgiven herself for having suffered him, at so advanced at age, to end his days in any other house than her own.
