BORKIN.No,seriously,shan't I marry Martha and halve the money with you?But no,why should I propose it?How can you understand?[Angrily]You say to me:"Stop talking nonsense!"You are a good man and a clever one,but you haven't any red blood in your veins or any--well,enthusiasm.Why,if you wanted to,you and I could cut a dash together that would shame the devil himself.If you were a normal man instead of a morbid hypochondriac we would have a million in a year.For instance,if I had twenty-three hundred roubles now I could make twenty thousand in two weeks.You don't believe me?You think it is all nonsense?No,it isn't nonsense.Give me twenty-three hundred roubles and let me try.Ofsianoff is selling a strip of land across the river for that price.If we buy this,both banks will be ours,and we shall have the right to build a dam across the river.Isn't that so?We can say that we intend to build a mill,and when the people on the river below us hear that we mean to dam the river they will,of course,object violently and we shall say:If you don't want a dam here you will have to pay to get us away.Do you see the result?The factory would give us five thousand roubles,Korolkoff three thousand,the monastery five thousand more--IVANOFF.All that is simply idiotic,Misha.If you don't want me to lose my temper you must keep your schemes to yourself.
BORKIN.[Sits down at the table]Of course!I knew how it would be!You never will act for yourself,and you tie my hands so that I am helpless.
Enter SHABELSKI and LVOFF.
SHABELSKI.The only difference between lawyers and doctors is that lawyers simply rob you,whereas doctors both rob you and kill you.I am not referring to any one present.[Sits down on the bench]They are all frauds and swindlers.Perhaps in Arcadia you might find an exception to the general rule and yet--I have treated thousands of sick people myself in my life,and I have never met a doctor who did not seem to me to be an unmistakable scoundrel.
BORKIN.[To IVANOFF]Yes,you tie my hands and never do anything for yourself,and that is why you have no money.
SHABELSKI.As I said before,I am not referring to any one here at present;there may be exceptions though,after all--[He yawns.]
IVANOFF.[Shuts his book]What have you to tell me,doctor?
LVOFF.[Looks toward the window]Exactly what I said this morning:she must go to the Crimea at once.[Walks up and down.]
SHABELSKI.[Bursts out laughing]To the Crimea!Why don't you and I set up as doctors,Misha?Then,if some Madame Angot or Ophelia finds the world tiresome and begins to cough and be consumptive,all we shall have to do will be to write out a preion according to the laws of medicine:that is,first,we shall order her a young doctor,and then a journey to the Crimea.There some fascinating young Tartar--IVANOFF.[Interrupting]Oh,don't be coarse![To LVOFF]It takes money to go to the Crimea,and even if I could afford it,you know she has refused to go.
LVOFF.Yes,she has.[A pause.]
BORKIN.Look here,doctor,is Anna really so ill that she absolutely must go to the Crimea?
LVOFF.[Looking toward the window]Yes,she has consumption.
BORKIN.Whew!How sad!I have seen in her face for some time that she could not last much longer.
LVOFF.Can't you speak quietly?She can hear everything you say.
[A pause.]
BORKIN.[Sighing]The life of man is like a flower,blooming so gaily in a field.Then,along comes a goat,he eats it,and the flower is gone!
SHABELSKI.Oh,nonsense,nonsense.[Yawning]Everything is a fraud and a swindle.[A pause.]
BORKIN.Gentlemen,I have been trying to tell Nicholas how he can make some money,and have submitted a brilliant plan to him,but my seed,as usual,has fallen on barren soil.Look what a sight he is now:dull,cross,bored,peevish--SHABELSKI.[Gets up and stretches himself]You are always inventing schemes for everybody,you clever fellow,and telling them how to live;can't you tell me something?Give me some good advice,you ingenious young man.Show me a good move to make.
BORKIN.[Getting up]I am going to have a swim.Goodbye,gentlemen.[To Shabelski]There are at least twenty good moves you could make.If I were you I should have twenty thousand roubles in a week.
[He goes out;SHABELSKI follows him.]
SHABELSKI.How would you do it?Come,explain.
BORKIN.There is nothing to explain,it is so ******.[Coming back]Nicholas,give me a rouble.
IVANOFF silently hands him the money BORKIN.Thanks.Shabelski,you still hold some trump cards.
SHABELSKI follows him out.
SHABELSKI.Well,what are they?
BORKIN.If I were you I should have thirty thousand roubles and more in a week.[They go out together.]
IVANOFF.[After a pause]Useless people,useless talk,and the necessity of answering stupid questions,have wearied me so,doctor,that I am ill.I have become so irritable and bitter that I don't know myself.My head aches for days at a time.I hear a ringing in my ears,I can't sleep,and yet there is no escape from it all,absolutely none.
LVOFF.Ivanoff,I have something serious to speak to you about.
IVANOFF.What is it ?
LVOFF.It is about your wife.She refuses to go to the Crimea alone,but she would go with you.
IVANOFF.[Thoughtfully]It would cost a great deal for us both to go,and besides,I could not get leave to be away for so long.Ihave had one holiday already this year.
LVOFF.Very well,let us admit that.Now to proceed.The best cure for consumption is absolute peace of mind,and your wife has none whatever.She is forever excited by your behaviour to her.
Forgive me,I am excited and am going to speak frankly.Your treatment of her is killing her.[A pause]Ivanoff,let me believe better things of you.
