There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with that look that tells me it"s been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids， I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year-old woman who"d had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman"s husband standing beside her bed， caressing her hand. How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover？ I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.
There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer"s disease on her father-in-law"s personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought， This is too much heartache for one week. Through my tears， as I went out to run some errands， I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor"s house. The bride， dressed in satin and lace， tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night， I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.
Finally， there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night； he"ll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head； I"ll lock us out of the house at a regular basis， and I will also eat the last chocolate.
I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No， the sky is not bluer： it"s just a familiar hue. We don"t feel particularly young： we"ve experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom， taking its toll on our bodies， and created our memories.
I hope we"ve got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride， I had Scott"s wedding band engraved with Robert Browning"s line "Grow old along with me！" We"re following those instructions.
我的一个朋友最近恋爱了。她很诚恳地宣称她的天更加蓝了。莫扎特的音乐可以让她感动到流泪。她骤减了 15 磅，看上去就好像那些封面女郎一样。
“我的青春又回来了！”她兴奋地喊道。
我的朋友就这样喋喋不休地谈论着她的新欢，我不得不看了看我自己的旧爱。和我结婚快要 20 年的丈夫，Scott，最近又长了 15 磅。他曾经是个马拉松选手，不过现在只能跑完医院的走廊而已。他的发线越来越靠后（他要秃头啦），他的身体就像是长时间工作加上过量的糖果棒的标本。不过他坐在餐桌的对面的样子任然让我有感觉 －－ 感觉想马上买单回家。
当我朋友问我“这样的爱情怎么能保持到现在呢？”的时候，我尝试说出所有想当然的理由：约定，共同的兴趣，无私，个人魅力，交流……当然还有更重要的：我们在一起时仍然有乐趣，有很多无意中的愉快时光。昨天，Scott 用橡胶带把卷起来的报纸绑好，开着玩笑轻轻敲了我一下：然后鸡飞狗跳的“战争”就这样开始了。还有上个星期六，在杂货店，我们把购物列表分成两半，看看谁最先买完结帐。就算是洗碗的时候我们也很疯狂地玩。几乎是只要在一起我们就很开心。
当然还有各样地惊喜。有一次回家的时候，发现前门上面有张纸条。这纸条又让我找另一张纸条，然后一张接一张，直到我走到屋外的储物室。打开门，顿时发现 Scott 一手拿着一个“金瓶子”（我的厨用瓶子），一手拿着一大礼包的“财宝”。有时候我也在镜子上给他留纸条，然后把小礼物放在他的枕头下面。
还有理解。我理解他为什么一定要和朋友们打篮球。他也理解为什么每年我离开家一次，只是为了去和我姐妹们唧唧喳喳嬉闹上几天，而且还要带上孩子，甚至有时候也把他拖上。
还有分享。我们不止“分享”家务劳动和作为父母的负担 －－ 我们也共享我们的想法。Scott 上个月参加了一个会议，回家时给我带了一本很厚的历史小说。虽然他更喜欢恐怖和科幻小说，他还是在飞机上读了这本书。当他对我解释，看这本书只是为了可以在我看了之后和我有所讨论的时候，我被从心底被感动了。
还有宽容。当我在派对上令人尴尬地大声叫着跳着的时候，Scott 原谅了我。当他忏悔道他在股市上丢掉了我们的一些存款的时候，我给了他一个拥抱然后说：“没关系，钱不是最重要的。”
还有敏感。上个星期当他回来的时候，脸上的神情让我感觉他这天过得很不好。在他和孩子们玩了一会儿后，我问他怎么了。他说有一个六十岁的老太太得了中风。当回忆到那个老太太的丈夫站在床边，握着她的手的时候，Scott 哭了。他怎么来对这个结婚 40 年的丈夫说他的夫人很可能永远不能复原呢。我也流了一些泪。因为这样的病。也因为现在还有结婚超过 40 年的夫妇。更因为我的丈夫在医院工作多年，却仍然会被临危的病人们感动，还担心着这些病人。
还有信仰。上周二，一个朋友到家里来，向我倾诉她的丈夫正在流失和癌症斗争的勇气。周三，我和一个朋友一起午餐 －－ 她正烦恼着在离婚之后如何重新梳理自己的生活。周四，一个邻居告诉我老年痴呆症在她岳父身上有着多么可怕的影响。周五，一个儿时的朋友打长途电话告诉我她的父亲去世了。在我挂了电话之后，想：这个星期真是一个伤心的星期。哭过之后，我有事要出去一下。我注意到鲜艳夺目的橙色剑兰正在我的窗外开放着。我听到我的孩子和他们的朋友一起玩耍的嬉戏声。我看到邻居家正好在举行着婚礼。新娘穿着绸缎和蕾丝的礼服，将花束抛向她欢呼的朋友。那晚，我告诉我的丈夫发生的这些事情。
我们帮助对方来了解生命的循环，以及怎么用欢乐来对抗痛苦。这就已经足够让我们继续生活下去了。
最后，还有相互了解。我知道 Scott 会把衣服扔得到处都是，然后晚上又面对满地的东西脸红；约会时他总是迟到，还会把盒子里最后一块巧克力吃掉。他也知道我总是喜欢在头上放着枕头睡觉；把我们锁在屋外是我的家常便饭，还有我也会把盒子里最后一块巧克力吃掉。
我觉得我们的爱之所以能延续是因为它很温馨。当然，我的天空并没有变得更蓝：它还是我熟悉的色彩。
我们也不特别地感到年轻：我们经历过太多了。这些经历帮助我们成长，让我们更有智慧，让我们切身感受到痛苦，也创造了我们的回忆。
但愿我们都知道是什么让我们的爱保持下来的。在我还是新娘的时候，Scott 给我的结婚戒指上面刻Robert Browning 的名言：“让我们一起变老吧！”我们一直遵循着这些指导。
