The frequent change of coachmen works no change or variety inthe coachman’S character．He iS always dirty，sullen，and taciturn．If he be capable of smartness of any kind，moral or physical，he has a faculty of concealing it which i s truly marvelous。He never speaks to you as you sit beside him on the box，and if you speak tO him，he answers(if at a11)in monosyllables．He points out nothing on the road，and seldom looks at anything，being，tO all appearance，thoroughly weary of it and of existence generally．As to doing the honours of his coach，his business，as I have said，is with the horses．The coach follows because it is attached to them and goes on wheels；not because you are in it．Sometimes，towards the end of a long stage，he suddenly breaks out into a discordant fragment of an election song，but his face never sings along with him：it is only his voice，andnotoftenthat．
He always chews and always spits，and never encumbers himself with a pocket—handkerchief．The consequences tO the box passenger，especially when the wind blows towards him，are not agreeable．
Whenever the coach stops，and you can hear the voices of the inside passengers；or whenever any bystander addresses them，or any one among them；or they address each other；you will hear one phrase repeated over and over and over again to the most extraordinary extent．It is an ordinary and unpromising phrase enough，being neither more nor less than“Yes，sir；but it is adapted to every variety ofcircumstance．and fills up every pause in the conversation．Thus：
The time is one O’clock at noon．The scene，a place where we are to stay and dine，on this journey．The coach drives up to the door of an inn．The day is warm，and there are several idlers lingering about the tavern，and waiting for the public dinner．Among them is a stout gentleman in a brown hat，swinging himself to and fro in a rocking—chair on the pavement．
As the coach stops，a gentleman in a straw hat looks out of the window．
STRAW HAT(to the stout gentleman in the rocking—chair)： “I reckon that’S Judge Jefferson．ain’t it?’’ BROWN HAT(still swinging；speaking very slowly；and withoutany emotion whatever)：“Yes，sir．’’ STRAW HAT：“Warm weather，judge．” BROWN HAT：“Yes，sir．’’ STRAW HAT：“There was a snap of cold last week．’’ BROWN HAT：“Yes，sir．’’ STRAW HAT：“Yes，sir．’’ A pause．They look at each other，very seriously． STRAW HAT：“I calculate you’11 have got through that case ofthe corporation，judge，by this time，now?” BROWN HAT：“Yes，sir．” STRAW HAT：“How did the verdict go，sir?’’ BROWN HAT：“For the defendant，sir．’’ STRAN HAT(interrogatively)：“Yes，sir?’’ BROWN HAT(affirmatively)：“Yes，sir．” BOTH(musingly，as each gazes down the street)：“Yes，sir．” Another Pause．They look at each other again，still more seriouslythan before。 BROWN HAT：“This coach is rather behind its time today，I
"’guess． STRAW HAT(doubtingly)：“Yes，sir．” BROWN HAT(100king at his watch)：“Yes，sir；nigh upon twohours．’’ STRAW HAT(raising his eyebrows in very great surprise)：“Yes，sir?” BROWN HAT(decisively，as he puts up his watch)：“Yes，sir．” ALL THE OTHER INSIDE PASSENGERS(among themselves)：“Yes，sir．’’ COACHMAN(in a very surly tone)：“No，it ain’t．”’。 STRAW HAT fto the coachman)：“Well，I don’t know，sir．We were a pretty tall time coming that last fifteen mile．That’S a fact．’’
The coachman making no reply，and plainly declining to enter into any controversy on a subject SO far removed from his sympathies and feelings，another passenger says，“Yes，sir；’’and the gentleman in the straw hat in acknowledgment of his courtesy，says，“Yes，sir，’’to him，in return．The straw hat then inquires of the brown hat，whether that coach in which he(the straw hat)then sits，is not a new one?To which the brown hat again makes answer，“Yes，sir．’’
STRAW HAT：“I thought SO．Pretty loud smell of varnish，sir?”
BROWN HAT：“Yes，sir．”
ALL THE OTHER INSIDE PASSENGERS．“Yes，sir．”
BROWN HAT fto the company in general)．“Yes，sir．”
The conversational powers of the company having been by this time pretty heavily taxed，the straw hat opens the door and gets out；and all the rest alight also．We dine soon afterwards with the boarders in the house，and have nothing to drink but tea and coffee．As they are both very bad and the water is worse，I ask for brandy；but it is a temperance hotel，and spirits are not to be had for love or money．This preposterous forcing of unpleasant drinks down the reluctant throats of travelers is not at all uncommon in America，but I never discovered that the scruples of such wincing landlords induced them to preserve any unusually nice balance between the quality of their fare，and their scale of charges：on the contrary，I rather suspected them of diminishing the one and exalting the other，by way of recompense for the loss of their profit on the sale of spirituous liquors．After all，perhaps，the plainest course for persons of such tender consciences would be，a total abstinence from tavern-keeping．
