I would study my feelings regarding death and try to establish a means to explain why this had to happen and what good will come from it.
I remembered my maternal grandmother’s painful death to cancer， a close personal friend dying of a heart attack while serving in the navy and the lost pets I cherished as a child. The experience that helped me deal best with my son’s feelings was the loss of my favorite pet to a fire.
I remember vividly the firefighter apathetically carrying my friend by the tail from our burnt home and dropping her lifeless body on the ground. I spent several stunned moments pondering why this happened. Then I got to the task of giving her a proper burial—one that a good friend would truly deserve.
As it stood， I had to settle for burying her in my backyard， muttering some magic words to release her spirit and spending several hours crying beside her crude grave.
Realizing how much these simple actions had helped me deal with my own loss， I now approach my son to explain death. I try to tell him about the cycle of life and how everything that lives must die someday. Most important， I have to understand his feelings and allow him time to grieve. Like me， he will never truly get over the pain or the feelings of loss， but he will learn to accept them someday. Until that day comes， all I can do is listen to how he is feeling， provide a shoulder to cry on and support him as any parent would.
So， why do things die？ Well， son， things die so that they can be remembered by future generations. And most of all， death is necessary so we should appreciate the value of our own lives.
作为一位家长，我最艰巨的任务之一便是向孩子们解释事情发生的原因。对于类似“为什么天空是蓝色的？”或者“为什么树木会在秋天落叶？”这些问题，我可以借助自己广博的科学知识来应付。然而现在，我还得面临一系列具有挑战性的问题，如“为什么人们会这样做？”或者一个最为棘手的问题——“为什么事物都会消亡？”。最近家里一只宠物的死亡让我不得不面对这个最难回答的问题。这只特别的宠物是一只与我们朝夕相处了十多年的猫。多年来，她与我们同甘共苦，她为家里的每一位成员都带来过些许慰藉。
对于她的离去，我儿子显得异常难以接受。其实，他也面对过一些小生命的离逝，比如一条鱼或者一只随意养过的仓鼠，但这些动物毕竟没有存活足够长的时间和我们建立起深厚的友谊。它们不会接近你，不会发出类似“喵喵” 的叫声，不会蹭蹭你以引起你的注意。它们也不会在意你的心情，不会跳到你的膝盖上，更不会舔你的手给予你精神上的支持。
那么你要怎样向一个孩子解释生命和死亡的概念呢？当他感觉自己失去了一位挚友时，你应该怎样去安慰他呢？ 像其他人一样，我谈起了自己过去的经历。
我整理着自己对于死亡的感触，试图寻求一种恰当的方式去解释为什么万物会消亡，以及这种消亡会带来什么积极的意义。
我还记得我慈祥的祖母因为癌症而痛苦地离开人间，一个在海军部队服役的好朋友死于心脏病，以及很多我视为自己孩子的宠物相继离去。而最能让我理解儿子此刻感受的应该是我最喜欢的一只宠物葬身火海的经历。
我依然清楚地记得那一幕：消防员冷漠地抓住我朋友的尾巴把它从着火的屋子里拎出来，把它冰冷的尸体扔在地上。对于这件事，我曾经不止一次地感到震惊和迷茫，我很想弄明白为什么会发生这样的事情。随后，我决定给她办一个正规的葬礼—一一个好朋友应该得到的葬礼。
事实是这样，我把她埋在我家后院。掩埋时，我先低声念着一些咒语希望可以让她的灵魂得到安息，然后在她那简陋的墓穴旁嚎啕大哭了几个小时。
当我意识到那些天真的行为曾经帮助我走出痛失爱宠的阴影时，我决定以此来向儿子解释死亡的意义。我试着向他解释生命的轮回以及存活于世间的万物最终如何消亡。除此之外，更重要的是，我必须理解他此刻的感受并允许他伤心难过一段时间。像我一样，他会永远忘不了失去挚友的那份痛苦和难受之情，但总有一天他会学会接受这个事实。等到那一天，我能做的就是聆听他的感想，让他依靠着我的肩膀哭泣，像所有家长一样给予他无私的支持。
那么万物为什么会消亡呢？儿子，其实事物消亡是为了让后人记住它们。而且最重要的是，死亡是不可避免的，我们应当倍加珍惜我们的生命。
Promise on Thanksgiving day
感恩节的承诺
Our family needed to come together more than ever that fall. I decided to have Thanksgiving at my house. I hadn’t fixed a formal dinner in months， and I had a full set of white stoneware in my china cabinet just begging to be used： plates， salad plates， cups and saucers， creamer， sugar bowl， butter dish—the works. A week in advance， I made out my grocery list， including ingredients for my special fruit punch. It had been my granddaughter’s favorite.
Amanda， 20 years old， had lost her life in a car accident in the spring. She had visited with me the very evening before she died. Amanda was in heaven， I had no doubt. But would anything ever seem right in this world？ Not without any more visits from Amanda. The entire family was bereft. She was my daughter’s only child， and we were all very close. I hoped our holiday together would be of some comfort.
I busied myself with shopping， then turned my attention to our Thanksgiving table. I removed the dishes from the china cabinet—every last one—and ran them through the dishwasher. When the dishes were dry， I set them out on the table. I fussed for a while， arranging the centerpiece， the place settings and serving pieces just so. The salt and pepper shakers and the gravy boat had to be within easy reach. I prepared the side dishes， cooking and freezing them， returning to the table now and again to admire it.
Early Thanksgiving morning， with the turkey already in the oven， I made a final inspection of my table. Soon my guests would arrive and our whole family would be seated around it.
Everyone but Amanda， I thought. Tears filled my eyes. God， let me feel your comforting presence today.
I dried my tears， and laid the rolls out on a baking sheet. I took a stick of butter from the fridge. I lifted the lid on the butter dish. A folded piece of paper lay inside， a letter dated 1997. How did this get in here？ I had to catch my breath. The letter was from Amanda.
“Dear Grandma...” I could hear Amanda’s sweet voice as I read. “Promise to keep my secret about Mom’s surprise.”I remembered. My generous granddaughter had spent too much money on a special Christmas gift that year. I had kept my promise to her to this day.
Then I reached the end of the letter.“Well， I hate good-byes， so I’ll just say， See you later. Love， Amanda.”
I folded the letter and held it to my heart. I can’t explain how it made its way into the butter dish on Thanksgiving Day. All I know is I received the exact message I needed to hear， at the moment I needed it most. I had much to be thankful for. I’d kept my promise to my granddaughter， and God would see to it that she kept her promise to me. It’s his promise to us all. “See you later，” Amanda said. I’m counting on it.
那年秋天我们家最需要团聚。我决定让一家人在我的住处过感恩节。我有好几个月都没做过正式的大餐，碗柜里一整套白瓷餐具都等着人去用：碟子、色拉盘、茶杯和茶托、奶油小壶、糖罐、黄油碟——一应俱全。我提前一个礼拜列出购物单，包括我特拿手的水果潘趣酒所需的配料。那是我外孙女最喜欢的饮料。
年仅20岁的阿曼达在春天的一起车祸中“走了”。她出事的前一天晚上还来探望过我。阿曼达在天堂，对此我深信不疑。但是没有她的世界还会完好如初吗？不会的，因为阿曼达再也不会来探望我了。全家人都为此感到悲痛。我女儿就她这么一个孩子，我们之间亲密无间。希望一起过节能带来些许安慰。
我忙着购物，然后一门心思都扑到感恩节大餐上。我把盘子碟子从碗柜里取出来，一个不剩，然后放进洗碗机洗一遍。餐具干了之后，我就把它们摆在餐桌上。我仔细摆弄了一会儿，放好餐桌中间的饰物、餐具和刀叉。盐瓶、胡椒瓶和船形调味盘得放在容易够着的地方。我准备了附餐，烹饪好之后冷冻起来，回到餐桌旁再次欣赏自己的杰作。
感恩节那天清晨，火鸡已经进了烤箱，我最后一次检查餐桌。我的客人们很快就会到，我们全家都会坐在餐桌周围。
我想，除了阿曼达，一家人都齐了。泪水浸满我的双眼。上帝，今天让我感到你的存在，给我一丝安慰吧。
我擦干泪，把面包卷铺在烘烤板上。我从冰箱取出一块黄油，揭开黄油碟的盖子。里面有一张折叠起来的纸，是一封写于1997年的信。这怎么在这里？我不由地屏住呼吸。这封信是阿曼达写的。
