Forgiveness Heals 宽仁之心
Gary Zukav describes unforgiveness as a choice to wear dark，gruesome glasses that distort everything.We are thus forced to look through these contaminated glasses on a daily basis.Holding onto grievances only causes us pain，suffering and conflict.Forgiveness is a gift for us.Forgiveness frees us，offering us peace of mind.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning an action of another.We act in error because we forget our divinity.Our God-light becomes diffused causing us to be disconnected from our power.Most of our adult issues are a reflection of our childhood experiences.So many negative，fearful emotions are installed as youngsters that we become powerless.We know about family cycles.Adults running bad programs will carry out the negative programming.Something is happening inside of a person to cause any kind of hurt in another.Happy，healthy people，feeling their God-connection，don't have negative programming to consistently hurt others.
So many times in any psychotherapy process，a client's ability to move forward hinges on their ability to let go of a painful experience of the past.This painful experience，which may have happened many years ago，is still causing problems.It may be contributing to substance abuse，weight gain，physical issues or other kinds of difficulties.If the hurt is still within us，it causes tension that blocks our energy flow.These blockages cause disease.We feel powerless，trapped in victimhood.
The path to forgiveness may be challenging.Often our anger and resentment seem justified，and we become attached to it.However，forgiveness is taking positive action reconnecting us with our own power.We are no longer victims.Before we can experience love，we must be able to forgive，and we all deserve to love and be loved.
We all have forgiveness work to do if we are still on this planet.In hypnosis and meditation we can access our higher wisdom.This allows us to have a different perspective of an experience.I would encourage you to put yourself into this deep，prayerful state，allowing yourself to be in touch with your wise mind.Calvin Banyan，a renowned hypnotherapist，offers us some keys to forgiveness in this focused state：
1.Uncover any known causes of the hurtful behavior，leading to understanding.Consider probable causes.（An abuser usually has been abused.）I remember one of my clients looking into her mother's eyes during hypnosis，seeing and feeling the anger and pain of her mother.She was absolutely astounded by that fact.As a child，she was totally unaware of her mother's deep-seated pain，though she knew that her mom had lost a young child.This awareness brought a new level of understanding and compassion for her mother.Forgiveness was inevitable.
2.The offender also experienced pain because of the thing he or she did.This is not always true of course.The victim may be suffering while the offender has long forgotten the situation.Freedom is letting go，not allowing the offender to control our lives by having power over us.
3.We uncover the regret that the offender may have over the wrong or painful thing.By moving into the“wise-self”，the part of us that knows，we can speak to the“wise-part”of the offender.This is often difficult for the client to experience if they are not yet ready to let go of an issue.They often don't want to hear that the offender regrets the actions and wants forgiveness.
4.If it is true，we discuss how the intent was not to hurt you，but rather the offender was trying to fulfill some need，want or desire.I believe that there is a positive intention driving any behavior.That's why it is so important to separate the behavior from the intention.The negative behaviors with hidden，unconscious positive intention are the ones that cause the chronic problems.
5.If you sense there is regret in the offender，allow him to express it to you.Have the offender directly ask for forgiveness.
6.Understand that the forgiveness is not for the offender.It is a gift that we give ourselves，freeing us from the past.
7.You don't have to forget the experience.That is not required.
One of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves is self-forgiveness.Forgiveness sets us free from our own prison.We can't give or receive love if we can't give it to ourselves.Forgiveness means loving us enough to free us.As we learn through our past experiences，we have the opportunity to walk the path of greatness.I offer you this exercise in forgiveness.With your hand on your heart，take a deep breath and affirm：
I completely forgive myself for taking on this particular situation.（Name it.）I know I was only doing the best I could at the time.If I was in another state of mind，or if I had more information，I may have acted differently.I ask Spirit to help me reach the place of forgiveness for myself and for anyone involved in this situation.I realize they were also only doing the best they could.I love and accept myself with all of my problems and perceived limitations.I don't need this（name negative emotion）any longer.I am now able to replace it with（positive emotion）。
盖瑞？祖卡夫把拒绝原谅描绘成像是选择带着一副扭曲事物的灰暗厚重的眼镜，我们每天都被迫透过这副丑陋的眼镜看外面的世界。牢记自己的委屈不平只会让我们感到痛苦，折磨和矛盾。宽恕是一件礼物，给我们自由和心灵的平静。
宽恕与原谅他人的行为无关。我们犯错是因为我们忘记了心中的善我，心灵之光的弥散、模糊会使我们失去维持真我的力量。我们成年后的大部分问题都是我们儿时经历的反映，所以，许多负面的、有害的情感是在我们年少时就注入我们心灵的，致使我们后来面对生活中的问题脆弱无力。我们都了解家庭这个循环体系，精神不够健康的大人，他们的行为举止会给整个家庭带去负面影响。若一个人做出任何伤害他人的行为，那么他心里肯定是有什么事情。快乐、健康的人，他们时刻感受到心里的光亮和力量，不会让自己的负面情感去不断地伤害他人。
所以在任何心理治疗的过程中，很多时候，对象状况的好转、治愈取决于他能否放开过去的某段伤痛经历。这段经历，可能发生在很多年前，但仍然影响着现在的生活，它可能会导致滥用麻醉类药品，体重增加，生理问题或其他困扰；如果不甩掉它，可能会引起紧张，阻碍我们人体精力的正常运行，久而成病。我们会感到脆弱无力，笼罩在受害人的心理阴影中。
通往宽恕的道路也许很艰难，我们的愤怒和愤怨似乎合情合理，而我们也渐渐习惯与之相伴。尽管如此，宽恕是采取积极的行动，重新找回心里的力量，不再成为受害者。在感受爱之前，我们必须具有宽恕的能力。我们都有爱与被爱的权力。
只要我们还活在这个星球上，我们就有宽恕的功课要做。在催眠或是冥思的状态下，我们可以获得平日生活里我们所缺乏的一种更高的智慧，使我们能够变换眼光看待同一段经历。我鼓励你进入这种沉静、虔诚的状态之中，让纯净通透的心灵来启迪你头脑中的智慧。有名的催眠治疗师，加尔文？班扬，给我们提供了在这种潜意识集中的状态下获取宽恕的几个要点：
1.揭露所有引发伤害行为的原因，达到互相理解。思考可能的原因（例如一位虐待他人的人通常曾受过虐待）。我记得在一次催眠中，我的顾客与她母亲四目相对，她看到并感受到了母亲眼中的愤怒和痛苦，十分震惊。作为一个孩子，她完全不曾意识到母亲深埋在心底的痛苦，虽然她也知道母亲曾经失去过一个孩子。这种意识让她对母亲有了全新的理解和深切的同情。两人之间自然达成了宽恕和谅解。
2.伤害者也在为他或她所做的事而难过。当然事情不总是这样。也许受害者因为所发生的事受到煎熬，而伤害者早就抛到九霄云外去了。要想重获自由，我们必须将过去的痛苦放下，不要让伤害者影响我们的心灵和头脑，控制我们的生活。
3.看看伤害者是否也在为过去的事而后悔。通过感知、发掘自我中智慧的一面，我们可以与伤害者智慧的一面进行对话，了解事情的起源和他们的悔过。做到这点通常是比较困难的，因为如果我们没有准备好放下痛苦，我们通常不愿意听到他们因后悔而肯求原谅。
4.有时，伤害者的本意不是伤害我们，而是想满足自己的某种需要、渴望或欲念。我相信任何行为的背后都隐藏着正面的情感和意图。所以，将伤害者的意图和行为分开是非常重要的。通常，长期又难以解决的问题都是由这种好意却带来伤害的行为造成的。
5.如果你觉察到伤害者有后悔的感觉，允许他表达出来，让他直接向你请求原谅。
6.理解宽恕并不是为了伤害者，而是我们给自己的礼物，让我们从过去中解放出来。
7.你无须让自己去忘记那段经历。那不是必须的。
我们能给自己的最好的礼物之一就是宽恕自己。宽恕把我们从心灵的牢房中释放出来。如果我们不爱自己，我们就不能给予或者接受爱。宽恕意味着我们珍爱自己，所以给自己自由。学习过去的经历，吸取经验教训，才能让我们在人生的道路上变得逐渐强大。我提供给你下面这个关于宽恕的练习，把你的手放在胸口，深呼吸，然后思考确认：
在此种情况下我完全原谅我自己（说出当时的情景）。我知道我当时已经尽力而为了。如果我当时的心态不同，或者我有更多的信息，我也许会有不同的做法。我请求上天帮助我达到宽恕的境界，让我能原谅我自己和所有当事人。他们所做的已是他们最好的选择。我爱我自己，我接受自己所有的问题和不足。我不再需要（说出负面的情感）。我现在可以用（说出一种正面的情感，例如开心，平和）来代替了。
译者感言
“宽恕与原谅他人的行为无关。”“宽恕意味着我们珍爱自己，所以给自己自由。”在生活中，我们不断地受到伤害，也不断伤害别人。宽恕别人，化干戈为玉帛，和谐的社会关系让人处事愉快。然而，心底的和谐呢？有时，宽恕自己似乎更难，特别是对生活有要求的人，因为我们时刻要面对的是我们自己。你能否不计较自己学业无成？你能否不计较自己不能给丈夫的事业提供好的建议？你能否不计较自己没能更好地回报父母？你能否不计较自己没有对朋友假以援手……记得看过这样看似有点戏谑的话，原谅自己的能力是一种罕见的美德，与其活着不能原谅自己，不如原谅自己而且还能活着。大实话。金无足赤，人无完人，人生下来，就是要犯错的。没完没了的悔恨、痛苦只能换回更多的悔恨、痛苦，我们不能一直牵着心灵，让它呆在昨日的阴雨霾霾之中而错过沐浴明天灿烂阳光的机会。当然，宽恕自己，不是放纵自己，对自己的过失没有悔恨之意，而是在充分认识生活、分析情势的基础上，找出自己可以进一步提升的空间，修身养性，痛改前非，释放自我。如果通通忘掉，得过且过，让心灵沉浸在盲目、愚昧的轻松玩乐之中，那你就真的不能原谅自己了。
