“Now， from the start of that courtship I had Paisley Fish hobbled and tied to a post. Each one of us had a different system of reaching out for the easy places in the female heart. Paisleys scheme was to petrifypetrify v.石化，吓呆 em with wonderful relations of events that he had either come across personally or in large print. I think he must have got his idea of subjugation from one of Shakespeares shows I see once called ‘Othello’. There is a coloured man in it who acquires a dukes daughter by disbursing to her a mixture of the talk turned out by Rider Haggard， Lew Dockstader， and Dr. Parkhurst. But that style of courting dont work well off the stage.
“那场追求一开头，我就比垮了佩斯利·菲什，弄得他束手无策。我们两人各有一套打动女人内心弱点的办法。佩斯利的办法是讲一些他亲身体验的，或是从通俗书刊里看来的惊险事迹，吓唬女人。我猜想，他准是从莎士比亚的一出戏里学到那种慑服女人的主意的。那出戏叫《奥塞罗》，我以前也看过，里面是说一个黑人，把赖德·哈格德、卢·多克斯塔德和帕克赫斯特博士三个人的话语混杂起来，讲给一位公爵的女儿听，把她弄到了手。可是那种求爱方式下了舞台就不中用了。
“Now， I give you my own recipe for inveigling a woman into that state of affairs when she can be referred to as ‘nee Jones’. Learn how to pick up her hand and hold it， and shes yours. It aint so easy. Some men grab at it so much like they was going to set a dislocationdislocation n.混乱， 断层， 脱臼 of the shoulder that you can smell the arnica and hear em tearing off bandages. Some take it up like a hot horseshoe， and hold it off at arms length like a druggist pouring tincture of asafoetidaasafoetida n.［药］阿魏(植物树脂，以前用作镇痉药) in a bottle. And most of em catch hold of it and drag it right out before the ladys eyes like a boy finding a baseball in the grass， without giving her a chance to forget that the hand is growing on the end of her arm. Them ways are all wrong.
“现在，我告诉你，我自己是怎样迷住一个女人，使她落到改姓的地步的。你只要懂得怎么抓起她的手，把它握住，她就成了你的人。讲讲固然容易，做起来并不简单。有的男人使劲拉住女人的手，仿佛要把脱臼的肩膀骨复位一样，简直叫你可以闻到山金车配剂的气味，听到撕绷带的声音了。有的男人像拿一块烧烫的马蹄铁那样握着女人的手。又像药剂师把阿魏配往瓶里灌时那样，伸直手臂，隔得远远的。大多数男人握到了女人的手，便把它拉到她眼皮下面，像小孩在草里寻找棒球似的，不让她忘掉她的手长在胳臂上。这种种方式都是错误的。
“Ill tell you the right way. Did you ever see a man sneak out in the back yard and pick up a rock to throw at a tomcattomcat n.雄猫 that was sitting on a fence looking at him？ He pretends he hasnt got a thing in his hand， and that the cat dont see him， and that he dont see the cat. Thats the idea. Never drag her hand out where shell have to take notice of it. Dont let her know that you think she knows you have the least idea she is aware you are holding her hand. That was my rule of tactics， and as far as Paisleys serenade about hostilities and misadventuremisadventure n.运气不佳的遭遇 went， he might as well have been reading to her a time table of the Sunday trains that stop at Ocean Grove， New Jersey.
“我把正确的方式告诉你吧。你可曾见过一个人偷偷地溜进后院，捡起一块石头，想扔一只蹲在篱笆上盯着他直瞧的公猫？他假装手里没有东西，假装猫没有看见他，他也没有看见猫。就是那么一回事。千万别把她的手拉到她自己注意得到的地方。你虽然清楚她知道你提着她的手，可是你得装出没事的样子，别露痕迹。那就是我的策略。至于佩斯利用战争和灾祸的故事才博得她的欢心，正像把星期日的火车时刻表念给她听一样。那天的火车连新泽西州欧欣格罗夫之类的小地方也要停站的。
“One night when I beat Paisley to the bench by one pipeful， my friendship gets subsidised for a minute， and I asks Mrs. Jessup if she didnt think a ‘H’ was easier to write than a ‘J’. In a second her head was mashing the oleanderoleander n.［植］夹竹桃 flower in my buttonhole， and I leaned over and—but I didnt.
“有一晚，我先到长凳那儿，比佩斯利早了一袋烟的工夫。我的友谊出了一会儿毛病，我竟然问杰塞普太太是不是认为‘希’字要比‘杰’字好写一点。她的头立刻压坏了我纽扣孔里的夹竹桃，我也凑了过去——可是我没有干。
“‘If you dont mind.’ says I， standing up， ‘well wait for Paisley to come before finishing this. Ive never done anything dishonourable yet to our friendship， and this wont be quite fair.’
“‘假如你不在意的话，’我站起来说，‘我们等佩斯利来了之后再完成这件事吧。到目前为止，我还没有干过对不起我们朋友交情的事，这样不很光明。’
“‘Mr. Hicks，’ says Mrs. Jessup， looking at me peculiar in the dark， ‘if it wasnt for but one thing， Id ask you to hike yourself down the gulch and never disresume your visits to my house.’
“‘希克斯先生，’杰塞普太太说，她在黑暗里瞅着我，神情有点异样，‘如果不是另有原因的话，我早就请你走下山谷，永远别来见我啦。’
“‘And what is that， maam？’ I asks.
“‘请问是什么原因呢，夫人？’我问道。
“‘You are too good a friend not to make a good husband，’ says she.
“‘你既然是这样忠诚的朋友，当然也能成为忠诚的丈夫。’她说。
“In five minutes Paisley was on his side of Mrs. Jessup.
“五分钟之后，佩斯利也坐在杰塞普太太身边了.
“‘In Silver City， in the summer of 98’， he begins， ‘I see Jim Batholomew chew off a Chinamans ear in the Blue Light Saloon on account of a crossbarred muslin shirt that—what was that noise？’
“‘一八九八年夏天，’他开始说，‘我在锡尔弗城见到吉姆·巴塞洛缨在蓝光沙龙里咬掉了一个中国人的耳朵，起因只是一件横条花纹的平布衬衫——那是什么声音呀？’
“I had resumed matters again with Mrs. Jessup right where we had left off.
“我跟杰塞普太太重新做起了刚才中断的事。
“‘Mrs. Jessup，’ says I， ‘has promised to make it Hicks. And this is another of the same sort.’
“‘杰塞普太太已经答应改姓希克斯了。’我说。‘这只不过是再证实一下而已。’
“Paisley winds his feet round a leg of the bench and kind of groans.
“佩斯利把他的两条腿盘在长凳脚上，呻吟起来。
